The "craziest" sermons I have ever heard

[prophet]

My all-time favorite is when Mike Fish brought snacks to the pulpit of evening college for an illustration.  He brought Devil Dogs, Ho-Ho's, Twinkies, and Ding Dongs. 

I understand he was trying to be light hearted, but he messed up badly.  The gist was comparing a Devil Dog to an immoral person.  A Ho-Ho was probably the same.  "Don't be a Twinky" should be obvious.  He took a bit of each then threw the other half to a staff member.  He threw the other Twinky to Jeff Owens and said, "Don't be a Twinky".

His mess up came when he took a bite of the Ding Dong and he brought nothing to drink.  He said -and I kid you not- "Give me a second, I'm still chewing on my Ding Dong".  The place went silent.  A few snickers.  We were all holding back laughter until Jeff Owens said, "That must hurt".  He might as well have shut his Bible at that point.  I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

Classic. I was there for that, too.  He lost the service at that point.

What year was that?  I was in night college for a couple of semesters.

Later in the 90's.

Missed it then, but the Fish was already known for his props.

Owens made the comment, D. Whitehouse burst out laughing, and it was all over...not one word was said for several minutes, while Owens and Whitehouse tried to regain their composure, and Fish tried to restart the "sermon".
That is the only time in my life, that I ever saw that happen.

 

[16KJV11]

My all-time favorite is when Mike Fish brought snacks to the pulpit of evening college for an illustration.  He brought Devil Dogs, Ho-Ho's, Twinkies, and Ding Dongs. 

I understand he was trying to be light hearted, but he messed up badly.  The gist was comparing a Devil Dog to an immoral person.  A Ho-Ho was probably the same.  "Don't be a Twinky" should be obvious.  He took a bit of each then threw the other half to a staff member.  He threw the other Twinky to Jeff Owens and said, "Don't be a Twinky".

His mess up came when he took a bite of the Ding Dong and he brought nothing to drink.  He said -and I kid you not- "Give me a second, I'm still chewing on my Ding Dong".  The place went silent.  A few snickers.  We were all holding back laughter until Jeff Owens said, "That must hurt".  He might as well have shut his Bible at that point.  I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

Classic. I was there for that, too.  He lost the service at that point.

What year was that?  I was in night college for a couple of semesters.

Later in the 90's.

Missed it then, but the Fish was already known for his props.

Owens made the comment, D. Whitehouse burst out laughing, and it was all over...not one word was said for several minutes, while Owens and Whitehouse tried to regain their composure, and Fish tried to restart the "sermon".
That is the only time in my life, that I ever saw that happen.

Next time I talk to Bro. Owens, I'll bring back the memory. 

 

[Norefund]

I realize that I am probably about ten years older than most of the people on here (except for bgw) but when I was growing up as a teenager in the 70's this kind of preaching was pretty common. I was constantly afraid that America was doomed at any second and that the rapture would take place before I was 20. Any listen to guys like Jack VanImpe in the 70's?

In the 70's, the DH led FBC youth  group went to a Jack Van Impe campaign. There also was a DH led a rally at Morton High School with an enactment of a Russian takeover. An HBHS student was "executed" on stage and the gun was fired so close to the student's face that the discharge actually caused real blood to spurt out.

Good times.

 

[subllibrm]

I realize that I am probably about ten years older than most of the people on here (except for bgw) but when I was growing up as a teenager in the 70's this kind of preaching was pretty common. I was constantly afraid that America was doomed at any second and that the rapture would take place before I was 20. Any listen to guys like Jack VanImpe in the 70's?

In the 70's, the DH led FBC youth  group went to a Jack Van Impe campaign. There also was a DH led a rally at Morton High School with an enactment of a Russian takeover. An HBHS student was "executed" on stage and the gun was fired so close to the student's face that the discharge actually caused real blood to spurt out.

Good times.

Not always so lucky.

From the link: "He died as a result of an accidental self-inflicted blank cartridge gunshot wound to the head ..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon-Erik_Hexum

 

[cast.sheep]

In the 70's, the DH led FBC youth  group went to a Jack Van Impe campaign. There also was a DH led a rally at Morton High School with an enactment of a Russian takeover. An HBHS student was "executed" on stage and the gun was fired so close to the student's face that the discharge actually caused real blood to spurt out.

He also did this at a Youth Conference I attended in the 70's.  I remember it vividly.  It scared me to death. 

 

[Fresh Air]

He also did this at a Youth Conference I attended in the 70's.  I remember it vividly.  It scared me to death.

The night I surrendered to preach Phil Hulet and Jack Patterson pulled the same stunt at the Christian camp I was at. That was in the summer of '87. The result was an invitation packed full of young men surrendering to preach in order to 'save America.' Not coincidentally, by the time I graduated from HAC only eight years later none of them were still on track. There is so much else I could say about how high pressure invitations lead to short term decisions followed by even greater pressure but you already know where that conversation goes...

 

[Tennessean]

Bro. Hyles would say, "At IU they do their screaming & cheering at Assembly Hall at the basketball game. At Hyles Anderson, we do our screaming & cheering during chapel." He also said, "We like to keep the chapel platform hot."

7 years of guest speakers. 7 years of chapel sermons. 7 years of division meeting sermons. 7 years of night bus sermons. We heard it all.

I never heard a "bad" sermon preached by Bro. Hyles. I know what a bad sermon is. I've preached my fair share. The closest Bro. Hyles came was during a Wednesday chapel. He had obviously pulled an old outline and had not reviewed it. 3/4 of the way in he started preaching about how bad TV shows were. He mentioned a bunch of old shows all of which were in syndication. But then he mentioned "Chico and the Man." Then and there you knew it was an old sermon. But take away that and it was a pretty good sermon.

But others, oh my. From about 86-89, things were interesting. HAC had so many different maverick characters and so many different personalities that each day was interesting.
George Godfrey preached about his relationship with his wife, telling things that need not have been mentioned and he never preached in chapel again. 

Stan Harris preached a sermon in which he slipped in Black Liberation Theology.

Jack Schaap would throw out nutty, odd theories, which made you think. You came away thinking he doesn't really believe this stuff, does he? It's one think to teach odd theories to get your students to think, but those things were disastrous when he became pastor and you realized he really believed them.

Bro. Carl Laurent preached against blue jeans and HAC students wearing Notre Dame sweatshirts.

Dr. Ed Reese falling asleep while he preached.

Jack Patterson informing us that he was preaching in a blue shirt instead of a white one.

Larry Smith preaching about women' nylons.

Roger Casteel would preach while walking around the auditorium. Even going up in the balcony. He also ate a burrito and swallowed a goldfish while he was preaching.

Then there were the lower level guys that copied Bro. Hyles in an obvious way. There were plenty of "Don't Quit" sermons and when they needed to get the crowd going, they threw in a point about the KJV. 

Guest speakers like Joe Boyd, who has been mentioned before in an earlier thread. What isn't well known is that he preached it around 1991 then they had him back a few years later and he did it again.

Then there was Bill Grady. In his first sermon in 1986 he mentioned flatulation. Then he preached about the pool party, insinuating all dorm students were cockroaches. In another sermon he had to be told by Dr. Evans to end it, earning him the nickname, "12:04" by Jack Patterson.

Was there a "Craziest" sermon? Don't know. There were a bunch of them.

I know this. HAC chapel sermons are hard to listen to now. A few years ago I tried to listen to a Ken Schaap chapel sermon online. I could take about 12 minutes and had to turn it off. It's good he's pastoring now. His preaching will improve. Then I tried again with another professor's chapel sermon.  Couldn't take it. I asked myself, were they all that shallow?

To sum it up, it was a phase in all of our lives. Remember the funny stuff, try to forget the weird, odd crazy stuff.

You might be a hacker if..................see above.

Good call. I once heard JH as the 1st speaker at a Bible conference, lay a dinosaur egg of a message built on himself as the illustration of "anyone can be a JH", which was lite on scripture & syrupy on philosophy. The 2nd speaker was Curtis Hutson who preached a Bible message that refuted the 1st message straight from Scripture. JH sat on the platform frowning & turning green then immediately cut out the platform door as soon as the invitation started.

Then there was the message on Samson/Davey-boy being used again. :-\, etc.

I didn't hear this one but it is good to know he was human. Anyone who preaches for any period of time will make mistakes in the pulpit. You will say things you don't mean, you don't intend. etc.

My point was I don't remember Jack Hyles doing that while I was a member of his church.

For Bro. Hyles most of his crazy sermons seemed to come when he was preaching at other places. Remember him telling the story of the time he preached and the teen girl wouldn't look at him? He made a point of continually harping on her, and yelling at her. It was when her mother helped take her out and he realized she was special needs. Give him credit for admitting his mistake and apologizing to the audience and to the girl and her family.

Every preacher who's been around awhile has a story like that.

 

[subllibrm]

Remember him telling the story of the time he preached and the teen girl wouldn't look at him? He made a point of continually harping on her, and yelling at her. It was when her mother helped take her out and he realized she was special needs. Give him credit for admitting his mistake and apologizing to the audience and to the girl and her family.

Every preacher who's been around awhile has a story like that.

Every "preacher" who uses the pulpit to bully individuals. Real preachers do not have stories like that to tell.

 

[fishinnut]

Then there was the chapel message from around 1977-1978 when Jackie-boy spoke on living a healthy lifestyle. Part of it was about proper physical elimination. Before he started into this subject he prefaced his comments with, "I don't want any laughing about this". He then sold cassette copies of it through Hyles Publications.


BTW.....if you can't figure out what elimination means forget it.

 

[Bravo]

So apparently no one has hit on the bountiful supply of crazy sermons provided to us in "Split Chapel".

I can remember one where there was a "Don't Quit" sermon. The illustration was used of crossing a frozen lake. The point was made, "If you get 3/4 of the way across the lake and the ice starts cracking you continue, you don't turn back!"

I sat in my seat thinking, "Yeah I turn back! The ice wasn't cracking back there!" I couldn't help but wonder who came up with these illustrations?

 

[Tennessean]

So apparently no one has hit on the bountiful supply of crazy sermons provided to us in "Split Chapel".

I can remember one where there was a "Don't Quit" sermon. The illustration was used of crossing a frozen lake. The point was made, "If you get 3/4 of the way across the lake and the ice starts cracking you continue, you don't turn back!"

I sat in my seat thinking, "Yeah I turn back! The ice wasn't cracking back there!" I couldn't help but wonder who came up with these illustrations?

One of the more memorable split chapel sermons was by Mike Goodall. He prefaced it by saying it was a sermon he had preached several times and every time he preached it, it always produced good results. The sermon opened with an illustration of Mike shaving in the morning. Mike described how he shaved with a razor and used a can of shaving cream. He went on to say how that every morning he rinsed off that little bit of residual shaving cream from the end of the can where the cream was dispensed. He made a big deal about how he did that every morning. He likened that to having character.

He then told us one morning he forgot to rinse the end of the can of shaving cream. He forgot. He said he didn't remember until he was in his car pulling out of the driveway that he had . But when he remembered he pulled back in the driveway, went into the house, all the way into the bathroom and rinsed the residual shaving cream off the end of the can.

That he said was character.

 

[RAIDER]

He then told us one morning he forgot to rinse the end of the can of shaving cream. He forgot. He said he didn't remember until he was in his car pulling out of the driveway that he had . But when he remembered he pulled back in the driveway, went into the house, all the way into the bathroom and rinsed the residual shaving cream off the end of the can.

That he said was character.

That is a stinkin' Hacker!!

 

[Norefund]

That is obsessive-compulsive.

So apparently no one has hit on the bountiful supply of crazy sermons provided to us in "Split Chapel".

I can remember one where there was a "Don't Quit" sermon. The illustration was used of crossing a frozen lake. The point was made, "If you get 3/4 of the way across the lake and the ice starts cracking you continue, you don't turn back!"

I sat in my seat thinking, "Yeah I turn back! The ice wasn't cracking back there!" I couldn't help but wonder who came up with these illustrations?

One of the more memorable split chapel sermons was by Mike Goodall. He prefaced it by saying it was a sermon he had preached several times and every time he preached it, it always produced good results. The sermon opened with an illustration of Mike shaving in the morning. Mike described how he shaved with a razor and used a can of shaving cream. He went on to say how that every morning he rinsed off that little bit of residual shaving cream from the end of the can where the cream was dispensed. He made a big deal about how he did that every morning. He likened that to having character.

He then told us one morning he forgot to rinse the end of the can of shaving cream. He forgot. He said he didn't remember until he was in his car pulling out of the driveway that he had . But when he remembered he pulled back in the driveway, went into the house, all the way into the bathroom and rinsed the residual shaving cream off the end of the can.

That he said was character.

 

[Fresh Air]

So apparently no one has hit on the bountiful supply of crazy sermons provided to us in "Split Chapel".

Two years ago I took my family to visit the campus of HAC. We went in time for chapel. ...only to discover the only chapel that day was a split chapel. So there I am, like back in the day, being vigorously exhorted to make my bed. The difference was this time I had two of my sons with me. I sure hope they paid attention... 

 

[RAIDER]

So apparently no one has hit on the bountiful supply of crazy sermons provided to us in "Split Chapel".

Two years ago I took my family to visit the campus of HAC. We went in time for chapel. ...only to discover the only chapel that day was a split chapel. So there I am, like back in the day, being vigorously exhorted to make my bed. The difference was this time I had two of my sons with me. I sure hope they paid attention... 

Did they mention not peeing in the showers? 

 

[Bravo]

I can remember Troy Blackwell preaching a sermon on "The Holy Ghost/Holy Spirit" and wondering why He (the Spirit) was referred to with separate names/titles. He then expounded how Ghost stood for inhaling and Spirit stood for exhaling. He taught this as being profound and deep. I remember thinking that God had not made that distinction, why would anyone else?

 

[TidesofTruth]

So apparently no one has hit on the bountiful supply of crazy sermons provided to us in "Split Chapel".

I can remember one where there was a "Don't Quit" sermon. The illustration was used of crossing a frozen lake. The point was made, "If you get 3/4 of the way across the lake and the ice starts cracking you continue, you don't turn back!"

I sat in my seat thinking, "Yeah I turn back! The ice wasn't cracking back there!" I couldn't help but wonder who came up with these illustrations?

One of the more memorable split chapel sermons was by Mike Goodall. He prefaced it by saying it was a sermon he had preached several times and every time he preached it, it always produced good results. The sermon opened with an illustration of Mike shaving in the morning. Mike described how he shaved with a razor and used a can of shaving cream. He went on to say how that every morning he rinsed off that little bit of residual shaving cream from the end of the can where the cream was dispensed. He made a big deal about how he did that every morning. He likened that to having character.

He then told us one morning he forgot to rinse the end of the can of shaving cream. He forgot. He said he didn't remember until he was in his car pulling out of the driveway that he had . But when he remembered he pulled back in the driveway, went into the house, all the way into the bathroom and rinsed the residual shaving cream off the end of the can.

That he said was character.

That was Obsessive-compulsive disorder.  I wonder how many psychological disorders were rebranded as character traits.  In reality godless Judaizing is constantly rebranded as character traits or even sanctification.  This has got to be changed because it cheapens grace and thus the Saviour's blood.

 

[subllibrm]

Then there was the chapel message from around 1977-1978 when Jackie-boy spoke on living a healthy lifestyle. Part of it was about proper physical elimination. Before he started into this subject he prefaced his comments with, "I don't want any laughing about this". He then sold cassette copies of it through Hyles Publications.


BTW.....if you can't figure out what elimination means forget it.

Oh poop! I was hoping you would explain.

 

[16KJV11]

Then there was the chapel message from around 1977-1978 when Jackie-boy spoke on living a healthy lifestyle. Part of it was about proper physical elimination. Before he started into this subject he prefaced his comments with, "I don't want any laughing about this". He then sold cassette copies of it through Hyles Publications.


BTW.....if you can't figure out what elimination means forget it.

That's mighty high falutin' language coming from a former Marine.   

 

[kaba]

Never did go to a men's split chapel, but the husband said one time he set up a sing group.......guess it was pretty bad, because they never sang together again!!