The "craziest" sermons I have ever heard

[GeneFrenkle]

My all-time favorite is when Mike Fish brought snacks to the pulpit of evening college for an illustration.  He brought Devil Dogs, Ho-Ho's, Twinkies, and Ding Dongs. 

I understand he was trying to be light hearted, but he messed up badly.  The gist was comparing a Devil Dog to an immoral person.  A Ho-Ho was probably the same.  "Don't be a Twinky" should be obvious.  He took a bit of each then threw the other half to a staff member.  He threw the other Twinky to Jeff Owens and said, "Don't be a Twinky".

His mess up came when he took a bite of the Ding Dong and he brought nothing to drink.  He said -and I kid you not- "Give me a second, I'm still chewing on my Ding Dong".  The place went silent.  A few snickers.  We were all holding back laughter until Jeff Owens said, "That must hurt".  He might as well have shut his Bible at that point.  I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

 

[Tennessean]

Bro. Hyles would say, "At IU they do their screaming & cheering at Assembly Hall at the basketball game. At Hyles Anderson, we do our screaming & cheering during chapel." He also said, "We like to keep the chapel platform hot."

7 years of guest speakers. 7 years of chapel sermons. 7 years of division meeting sermons. 7 years of night bus sermons. We heard it all.

I never heard a "bad" sermon preached by Bro. Hyles. I know what a bad sermon is. I've preached my fair share. The closest Bro. Hyles came was during a Wednesday chapel. He had obviously pulled an old outline and had not reviewed it. 3/4 of the way in he started preaching about how bad TV shows were. He mentioned a bunch of old shows all of which were in syndication. But then he mentioned "Chico and the Man." Then and there you knew it was an old sermon. But take away that and it was a pretty good sermon.

But others, oh my. From about 86-89, things were interesting. HAC had so many different maverick characters and so many different personalities that each day was interesting.
George Godfrey preached about his relationship with his wife, telling things that need not have been mentioned and he never preached in chapel again. 

Stan Harris preached a sermon in which he slipped in Black Liberation Theology.

Jack Schaap would throw out nutty, odd theories, which made you think. You came away thinking he doesn't really believe this stuff, does he? It's one think to teach odd theories to get your students to think, but those things were disastrous when he became pastor and you realized he really believed them.

Bro. Carl Laurent preached against blue jeans and HAC students wearing Notre Dame sweatshirts.

Dr. Ed Reese falling asleep while he preached.

Jack Patterson informing us that he was preaching in a blue shirt instead of a white one.

Larry Smith preaching about women' nylons.

Roger Casteel would preach while walking around the auditorium. Even going up in the balcony. He also ate a burrito and swallowed a goldfish while he was preaching.

Then there were the lower level guys that copied Bro. Hyles in an obvious way. There were plenty of "Don't Quit" sermons and when they needed to get the crowd going, they threw in a point about the KJV. 

Guest speakers like Joe Boyd, who has been mentioned before in an earlier thread. What isn't well known is that he preached it around 1991 then they had him back a few years later and he did it again.

Then there was Bill Grady. In his first sermon in 1986 he mentioned flatulation. Then he preached about the pool party, insinuating all dorm students were cockroaches. In another sermon he had to be told by Dr. Evans to end it, earning him the nickname, "12:04" by Jack Patterson.

Was there a "Craziest" sermon? Don't know. There were a bunch of them.

I know this. HAC chapel sermons are hard to listen to now. A few years ago I tried to listen to a Ken Schaap chapel sermon online. I could take about 12 minutes and had to turn it off. It's good he's pastoring now. His preaching will improve. Then I tried again with another professor's chapel sermon.  Couldn't take it. I asked myself, were they all that shallow?

To sum it up, it was a phase in all of our lives. Remember the funny stuff, try to forget the weird, odd crazy stuff.

 

[IFB X-Files]

Couldn't take it. I asked myself, were they all that shallow?

Yes, they were, but at the time, probably deeper than you.  Thank the Lord you have grown to see the difference.

 

[Fresh Air]

Bro. Hyles would say, "At IU they do their screaming & cheering at Assembly Hall at the basketball game. At Hyles Anderson, we do our screaming & cheering during chapel." He also said, "We like to keep the chapel platform hot."

7 years of guest speakers. 7 years of chapel sermons. 7 years of division meeting sermons. 7 years of night bus sermons. We heard it all.

I never heard a "bad" sermon preached by Bro. Hyles. I know what a bad sermon is. I've preached my fair share. The closest Bro. Hyles came was during a Wednesday chapel. He had obviously pulled an old outline and had not reviewed it. 3/4 of the way in he started preaching about how bad TV shows were. He mentioned a bunch of old shows all of which were in syndication. But then he mentioned "Chico and the Man." Then and there you knew it was an old sermon. But take away that and it was a pretty good sermon.

But others, oh my. From about 86-89, things were interesting. HAC had so many different maverick characters and so many different personalities that each day was interesting.
George Godfrey preached about his relationship with his wife, telling things that need not have been mentioned and he never preached in chapel again. 

Stan Harris preached a sermon in which he slipped in Black Liberation Theology.

Jack Schaap would throw out nutty, odd theories, which made you think. You came away thinking he doesn't really believe this stuff, does he? It's one think to teach odd theories to get your students to think, but those things were disastrous when he became pastor and you realized he really believed them.

Bro. Carl Laurent preached against blue jeans and HAC students wearing Notre Dame sweatshirts.

Dr. Ed Reese falling asleep while he preached.

Jack Patterson informing us that he was preaching in a blue shirt instead of a white one.

Larry Smith preaching about women' nylons.

Roger Casteel would preach while walking around the auditorium. Even going up in the balcony. He also ate a burrito and swallowed a goldfish while he was preaching.

Then there were the lower level guys that copied Bro. Hyles in an obvious way. There were plenty of "Don't Quit" sermons and when they needed to get the crowd going, they threw in a point about the KJV. 

Guest speakers like Joe Boyd, who has been mentioned before in an earlier thread. What isn't well known is that he preached it around 1991 then they had him back a few years later and he did it again.

Then there was Bill Grady. In his first sermon in 1986 he mentioned flatulation. Then he preached about the pool party, insinuating all dorm students were cockroaches. In another sermon he had to be told by Dr. Evans to end it, earning him the nickname, "12:04" by Jack Patterson.

Was there a "Craziest" sermon? Don't know. There were a bunch of them.

I know this. HAC chapel sermons are hard to listen to now. A few years ago I tried to listen to a Ken Schaap chapel sermon online. I could take about 12 minutes and had to turn it off. It's good he's pastoring now. His preaching will improve. Then I tried again with another professor's chapel sermon.  Couldn't take it. I asked myself, were they all that shallow?

To sum it up, it was a phase in all of our lives. Remember the funny stuff, try to forget the weird, odd crazy stuff.

You and I have both been out pastoring for almost 20 years now. I wholeheartedly agree with you about how bad many of those sermons were. I would offer some theories as to contributing reasons...

-HAC's complete lack of emphasis on hermeneutics
-HAC's complete over emphasis on loud preaching
-HAC's over use of young men
-... but far and away I think it had to do with the fact that for so long they hired their own graduates to immediately turn around and teach. The staff had become theologically, philosophically, and practically incestuous. And several generations of incest leads to a fair level of handicapped descendants. I don't know what the place is like now, but back then they desperately needed to bring in a bunch of regular pastors periodically to preach and teach.

 

[nightbusheretic14]

Did anybody hear cussing on night bus while in college?

 

[Fresh Air]

Did anybody hear cussing on night bus while in college?

<hand raised>

 

[Tennessean]

My all-time favorite is when Mike Fish brought snacks to the pulpit of evening college for an illustration.  He brought Devil Dogs, Ho-Ho's, Twinkies, and Ding Dongs. 

I understand he was trying to be light hearted, but he messed up badly.  The gist was comparing a Devil Dog to an immoral person.  A Ho-Ho was probably the same.  "Don't be a Twinky" should be obvious.  He took a bit of each then threw the other half to a staff member.  He threw the other Twinky to Jeff Owens and said, "Don't be a Twinky".

His mess up came when he took a bite of the Ding Dong and he brought nothing to drink.  He said -and I kid you not- "Give me a second, I'm still chewing on my Ding Dong".  The place went silent.  A few snickers.  We were all holding back laughter until Jeff Owens said, "That must hurt".  He might as well have shut his Bible at that point.  I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

We have a winner

 

[Walt]

Gomez telling everyone that his current wife was a virgin when they got married.

And why is that crazy?  Are you just trying to be vile about him or her?

I am literally killing myself laughing.

And why is that crazy?  Are you serious?

I don't know much about Gomez; was his current wife married before?  Or are you saying he committed adultery or fornication with her.  That's not funny; that is a very serious matter.  If you've no proof, it is a slur against her.

 

[Bravo]

Gomez telling everyone that his current wife was a virgin when they got married.

And why is that crazy?  Are you just trying to be vile about him or her?

I am literally killing myself laughing.

And why is that crazy?  Are you serious?

I don't know much about Gomez; was his current wife married before?  Or are you saying he committed adultery or fornication with her.  That's not funny; that is a very serious matter.  If you've no proof, it is a slur against her.

On the other hand it seems like a really odd thing to go around telling people. He isn't a kid, he's an older man, show some discretion in your public speaking.

 

[16KJV11]

Did anybody hear cussing on night bus while in college?

D'uoh...I plead guilty...I said the word "C  R  A  P" one time  ???and it made it across the country.  I didn't use a lot of wisdom at that time (stating the obvious) as I said it while preaching to the ladies who once and a while were allowed on night bus...

 

[Bruh]

Gomez telling everyone that his current wife was a virgin when they got married.

And why is that crazy?  Are you just trying to be vile about him or her?

I am literally killing myself laughing.

And why is that crazy?  Are you serious?

I don't know much about Gomez; was his current wife married before?  Or are you saying he committed adultery or fornication with her.  That's not funny; that is a very serious matter.  If you've no proof, it is a slur against her.

On the other hand it seems like a really odd thing to go around telling people. He isn't a kid, he's an older man, show some discretion in your public speaking.

Yes, why would he feel the need to tell ANYONE and I mean ANYONE, this.....?

I don't get it? What is the purpose? Who care's? Why should anyone care?

And yes, it is a very, very, very, very, odd thing to tell ANYONE!!

He was "SUPPOSED" to be preaching the Bible, I'm sorry, but were in the Bible does it say that Kieth Gomez is to tell ANYONE this? 

If what he did is o.k. then it would be o.k. for me to approach him after he said this and tell him, I sure am glad you cleared the air about your wife being a virgin when you got married because I sure was curious about it.  SMH!!

 

[Bravo]

Did anybody hear cussing on night bus while in college?

"The truth is you don't give a damn about your bus route! And you're more concerned about that word than you are your bus kids."

 

[Bruh]

Bro. Hyles would say, "At IU they do their screaming & cheering at Assembly Hall at the basketball game. At Hyles Anderson, we do our screaming & cheering during chapel." He also said, "We like to keep the chapel platform hot."

7 years of guest speakers. 7 years of chapel sermons. 7 years of division meeting sermons. 7 years of night bus sermons. We heard it all.

I never heard a "bad" sermon preached by Bro. Hyles. I know what a bad sermon is. I've preached my fair share. The closest Bro. Hyles came was during a Wednesday chapel. He had obviously pulled an old outline and had not reviewed it. 3/4 of the way in he started preaching about how bad TV shows were. He mentioned a bunch of old shows all of which were in syndication. But then he mentioned "Chico and the Man." Then and there you knew it was an old sermon. But take away that and it was a pretty good sermon.

But others, oh my. From about 86-89, things were interesting. HAC had so many different maverick characters and so many different personalities that each day was interesting.
George Godfrey preached about his relationship with his wife, telling things that need not have been mentioned and he never preached in chapel again. 

Stan Harris preached a sermon in which he slipped in Black Liberation Theology.

Jack Schaap would throw out nutty, odd theories, which made you think. You came away thinking he doesn't really believe this stuff, does he? It's one think to teach odd theories to get your students to think, but those things were disastrous when he became pastor and you realized he really believed them.

Bro. Carl Laurent preached against blue jeans and HAC students wearing Notre Dame sweatshirts.

Dr. Ed Reese falling asleep while he preached.

Jack Patterson informing us that he was preaching in a blue shirt instead of a white one.

Larry Smith preaching about women' nylons.

Roger Casteel would preach while walking around the auditorium. Even going up in the balcony. He also ate a burrito and swallowed a goldfish while he was preaching.

Then there were the lower level guys that copied Bro. Hyles in an obvious way. There were plenty of "Don't Quit" sermons and when they needed to get the crowd going, they threw in a point about the KJV. 

Guest speakers like Joe Boyd, who has been mentioned before in an earlier thread. What isn't well known is that he preached it around 1991 then they had him back a few years later and he did it again.

Then there was Bill Grady. In his first sermon in 1986 he mentioned flatulation. Then he preached about the pool party, insinuating all dorm students were cockroaches. In another sermon he had to be told by Dr. Evans to end it, earning him the nickname, "12:04" by Jack Patterson.

Was there a "Craziest" sermon? Don't know. There were a bunch of them.

I know this. HAC chapel sermons are hard to listen to now. A few years ago I tried to listen to a Ken Schaap chapel sermon online. I could take about 12 minutes and had to turn it off. It's good he's pastoring now. His preaching will improve. Then I tried again with another professor's chapel sermon.  Couldn't take it. I asked myself, were they all that shallow?

To sum it up, it was a phase in all of our lives. Remember the funny stuff, try to forget the weird, odd crazy stuff.

You might be a hacker if..................see above.

 

[fishinnut]

Bro. Hyles would say, "At IU they do their screaming & cheering at Assembly Hall at the basketball game. At Hyles Anderson, we do our screaming & cheering during chapel." He also said, "We like to keep the chapel platform hot."

7 years of guest speakers. 7 years of chapel sermons. 7 years of division meeting sermons. 7 years of night bus sermons. We heard it all.

I never heard a "bad" sermon preached by Bro. Hyles. I know what a bad sermon is. I've preached my fair share. The closest Bro. Hyles came was during a Wednesday chapel. He had obviously pulled an old outline and had not reviewed it. 3/4 of the way in he started preaching about how bad TV shows were. He mentioned a bunch of old shows all of which were in syndication. But then he mentioned "Chico and the Man." Then and there you knew it was an old sermon. But take away that and it was a pretty good sermon.

But others, oh my. From about 86-89, things were interesting. HAC had so many different maverick characters and so many different personalities that each day was interesting.
George Godfrey preached about his relationship with his wife, telling things that need not have been mentioned and he never preached in chapel again. 

Stan Harris preached a sermon in which he slipped in Black Liberation Theology.

Jack Schaap would throw out nutty, odd theories, which made you think. You came away thinking he doesn't really believe this stuff, does he? It's one think to teach odd theories to get your students to think, but those things were disastrous when he became pastor and you realized he really believed them.

Bro. Carl Laurent preached against blue jeans and HAC students wearing Notre Dame sweatshirts.

Dr. Ed Reese falling asleep while he preached.

Jack Patterson informing us that he was preaching in a blue shirt instead of a white one.

Larry Smith preaching about women' nylons.

Roger Casteel would preach while walking around the auditorium. Even going up in the balcony. He also ate a burrito and swallowed a goldfish while he was preaching.

Then there were the lower level guys that copied Bro. Hyles in an obvious way. There were plenty of "Don't Quit" sermons and when they needed to get the crowd going, they threw in a point about the KJV. 

Guest speakers like Joe Boyd, who has been mentioned before in an earlier thread. What isn't well known is that he preached it around 1991 then they had him back a few years later and he did it again.

Then there was Bill Grady. In his first sermon in 1986 he mentioned flatulation. Then he preached about the pool party, insinuating all dorm students were cockroaches. In another sermon he had to be told by Dr. Evans to end it, earning him the nickname, "12:04" by Jack Patterson.

Was there a "Craziest" sermon? Don't know. There were a bunch of them.

I know this. HAC chapel sermons are hard to listen to now. A few years ago I tried to listen to a Ken Schaap chapel sermon online. I could take about 12 minutes and had to turn it off. It's good he's pastoring now. His preaching will improve. Then I tried again with another professor's chapel sermon.  Couldn't take it. I asked myself, were they all that shallow?

To sum it up, it was a phase in all of our lives. Remember the funny stuff, try to forget the weird, odd crazy stuff.

You might be a hacker if..................see above.

Good call. I once heard JH as the 1st speaker at a Bible conference, lay a dinosaur egg of a message built on himself as the illustration of "anyone can be a JH", which was lite on scripture & syrupy on philosophy. The 2nd speaker was Curtis Hutson who preached a Bible message that refuted the 1st message straight from Scripture. JH sat on the platform frowning & turning green then immediately cut out the platform door as soon as the invitation started.

Then there was the message on Samson/Davey-boy being used again. :-\, etc.

 

[RAIDER]

On a Sunday evening the pastor had a pastor friend of his from out of state speak.  He was preaching on repentance.  Half way through his message he said, "If you miss a day reading your Bible or praying, you are not saved".  Needless to say, a hush went through the auditorium.

That's hilarious, he must've really got going and slipped.

I wish I could say that was the case.  No, this guy actually believed this garbage.  The pastor had some explaining to do.

 

[RAIDER]

Did anybody hear cussing on night bus while in college?

"The truth is you don't give a damn about your bus route! And you're more concerned about that word than you are your bus kids."

Come on!!!  Pull over there and park awhile!!!

 

[Boomer]

I went to Youth Conference back in the mid-90s. Jack Schaap preached a "sermon" while wearing an outfit made out of sackcloth (supposedly made for him by his wife). Schaap told us he would wear that outfit as he lamented and prayed for America. Then he took some passage out of Jeremiah or Isaiah (Can't remember which) and predicted that Russia was going to take America down.

His text had some mention of Babylon (America in his imagination) falling in the space of one hour. So Schaap told us that the Russians had some kind of missile that they could launch over the North Pole that could get to America in 60 minutes . . . and it would blow up the whole country.

Many of the kids in our youth group were scared to death that "The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!"

I had been thinking about going to HAC at the time. That sermon was just one more nail in the coffin of that notion.

 

[subllibrm]

Tom Williams pastor school sermon on a proper physical relationship in marriage.

Not crazy but highly graphic

Visual aids included?  8)

 

[subllibrm]

Did anybody hear cussing on night bus while in college?

"The truth is you don't give a damn about your bus route! And you're more concerned about that word than you are your bus kids."

That is funny. Stolen right out of Tony Campolo's play book!

Got to love it when the true blue fundies steal material from those compromising libruls!

 

[brainisengaged]

I went to Youth Conference back in the mid-90s. Jack Schaap preached a "sermon" while wearing an outfit made out of sackcloth (supposedly made for him by his wife). Schaap told us he would wear that outfit as he lamented and prayed for America. Then he took some passage out of Jeremiah or Isaiah (Can't remember which) and predicted that Russia was going to take America down.

His text had some mention of Babylon (America in his imagination) falling in the space of one hour. So Schaap told us that the Russians had some kind of missile that they could launch over the North Pole that could get to America in 60 minutes . . . and it would blow up the whole country.

Many of the kids in our youth group were scared to death that "The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!"

I had been thinking about going to HAC at the time. That sermon was just one more nail in the coffin of that notion.

That reminded me...he seemed to like to scare us. Make us writhe in our seats with graphic stories of the gang rape of an innocent little boy sent to boarding school, make us listen to tales of horrors of killings of animals and torture of people...and there was a time when a video was produced about how Muslims are overtaking the world because their birth rate is something like three or four times that of non-Muslims...I remember being so depressed at the inevitability of that. It may be true, but a huge big video shown on the double I-mag screens complete with totally ominous "doom music" is really pretty dour, heavy and pessimistic stuff. But cheer up! I found a penny! God loves me after all...

Times sure were weird down in the rabbit hole.