Stuff Only IFB People Understand

  • Thread starter Thread starter Dr. Huk-N-Duck
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Congregation: you should remain silent and still during all special singing. Showing emotion can be a sign that you’re applauding the singer and not the message. However, men will be encouraged to shout AMEN and raise their hands during the sermon repeatedly. Failure to do so will result in the pastor questioning whether the audience is asleep or has a hardened heart.
 
Members: the presence of drums in any church music is strictly prohibited. (However, we’ll make a couple of yearly pastoral-approved exceptions for the inclusion of a kettledrum with our patriotic-themed songs around the July 4th service and, possibly, for Memorial Day.)
At the "Model IFB Church" I used to attend, the orchestra had tympani drums, a snare drum, bass drum, and I think a couple of "Toms" along with a few cymbals. It was perfectly acceptable so long as they were all kept separated and played by several musicians. What would be forbidden is putting all drums together into a "Drum Set" and having one person play them all at once! :ROFLMAO:
 
Members: attending the movie theater is strictly prohibited as you may be perceived as a stumbling block for the unsaved. (However, feel free to go to your local Blockbuster Video Store and rent movies as often as you wish). 🙄
Nah, that was just a loophole! They PREFERRED you stayed away from Block-Bluster and followed this preecher's advice:
 
Culottes are feminine, gauchos not so much.
 
Southern Baptists are a denomination worthy of separation. Our particular camp and all of its conformist unwritten rules is a totally different thing.
 
Teens: For those unfortunate enough to attend public schools, it is encouraged for you to carry a visible Bible with you at all times while at school. (No, I’m not making this up.)
 
Southern Baptists are a denomination worthy of separation. Our particular camp and all of its conformist unwritten rules is a totally different thing.
Any good self-respectin' Indeepenant Baptist exercised Secondary (and Tertiary) separation from the worldly Suthren Babtists!
 
Congregation: Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) will never be played at this church. The name of this music should be called Compromised Christian Music. This music contains the world’s beat and so-called Christian singers performing in sultry voices. Beware!!!
 
Congregation: Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) will never be played at this church. The name of this music should be called Compromised Christian Music. This music contains the world’s beat and so-called Christian singers performing in sultry voices. Beware!!!
It is no longer Contemporary Christian Music when it is over 20 years old and has been published in a Hymnal!

Gaither music was CCM back when I first became a Christian and now it is Oooold People music!

Doctrine is still questionable but since it is now "Old" and has been published in a hymnal...
 
Three to thrive.
Not my childhood church. Schedule follows (approximate from memory):

Sunday school: 9:00
Sunday morning service: 10:30
“5:30 hour” (basically, Sunday afternoon Sunday school): 5:30
Sunday evening service: 6:30
Tuesday visitation: 6:30
Wednesday service: 7:00
Saturday: teen activity/etc
 
Not my childhood church. Schedule follows (approximate from memory):

Sunday school: 9:00
Sunday morning service: 10:30
“5:30 hour” (basically, Sunday afternoon Sunday school): 5:30
Sunday evening service: 6:30
Tuesday visitation: 6:30
Wednesday service: 7:00
Saturday: teen activity/etc
3 to thrive was the Roberson minimum. Your church gets extra credit, and more righteousness than most. You now have your reward.



😉
 
Congregation: if you want to be saved or the Lord spoke to your heart, come to the front of the church and kneel on the steps. (This was done in my church, but it doesn’t seem to be universal in IFB).
 
3 to thrive was the Roberson minimum. Your church gets extra credit, and more righteousness than most. You now have your reward.



😉

Did you go to Dr Roberson's church?
 
Did you go to Dr Roberson's church?
No, I have lived my entire life in Ohio. My familiarity comes by way of people who knew him and attended Tennessee Temple and revered him. From the little bit I know of him I have nothing but respect for the way he carried himself and his conservative “standards”, even if I might not adhere to them myself.
 
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