LM, PKs, and martyr mentalities....

Tarheel Baptist said:
My wife is a PK and in the early years of our marriage struggled with some of the very issues mentioned in the OP. Her Dad was one who always put the church first, in his words. My experience and training was just the opposite. One of the qualifications of a Pastor is that he has his house in order...so it should be a priority in his life. Frankly, a man can't neglect his family and put God first...I think a man honors God by ministering to his family.

Many men have neglected their families while serving on a plurality of elders church staff. If they have the wrong philosophy of ministry that just means a plurality of elders would neglect their families. It isn't he number of elders but a balanced, Biblical philosophy of ministry that will make the difference.
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Do you have elders at your church? If not are you against it?
 
Quote from: Recovering IFB
Do you have elders at your church? If not are you against it?

Our church has five pastors.
I'm not against so called equal elder rule.
 
My husband was in the military 23 years and he received an annual letter reminding him that the DoD owned him 24/7.  It was a way of life.  He loved God supremely (still does) and loved his family.  His present work calls him out frequently and he is also willing to go whenever he is needed for church matters.  Same with the power company repairman at church and the public works maintenance man and the coal foreman.

We all expect a dispatcher to be on the other end of a 911 call, or an EMT to respond to a wreck or a fully-staffed ER at the end of an ambulance ride.  Life is full of people who respond to emergencies...including pastors. 
 
Mathew Ward said:
I have watched and experienced many pastors putting their job before their family.  I don't know of anyone who is advocating not having God first in your life, but that there needs to be a balance between one's job for God and one's family.  I think one's relationship with God comes first and this should be first in all the areas of our life.  After this relationship many pastors then put the work of God next (some even put it first) before their family and I believe that is wrong and makes a pastor out of balance.
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What about a pastor who loses his family ... is he out of balance?
 
We've talked about this in length .........there is no guarantees with children when they are adults.....you pray for them but it's their choice to serve God or live like the devil... I don't claim the parents
 
aleshanee said:
JrChurch said:
My husband was in the military 23 years and he received an annual letter reminding him that the DoD owned him 24/7.  It was a way of life.  He loved God supremely (still does) and loved his family.  His present work calls him out frequently and he is also willing to go whenever he is needed for church matters.  Same with the power company repairman at church and the public works maintenance man and the coal foreman.

We all expect a dispatcher to be on the other end of a 911 call, or an EMT to respond to a wreck or a fully-staffed ER at the end of an ambulance ride.  Life is full of people who respond to emergencies...including pastors.
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my dad gets phone calls monthly, when he;s off duty.. and sometimes in the middle of the night, that are prerecorded messages telling him it;s just a test of the emergency services emergency notification and recall system.. ..  i never thought about it that way... but i guess that;s what those are too..  ???..  just reminders from the state that they own him 24/7 ..  :-\.... like the rest of us in the family needed a reminder.... ::).... . .

i remember having a lot of plans cancelled and spending a lot of holidays and other special days without him because of his job...  and i also remember times when those middle of the night phone calls were not just tests...  he got a call and had to load up and go to whatever it was they needed him for.. .  . plus with emergency response jobs there is always that chance when your loved one goes out he may not come back alive.. ...  it;s happened to friends and coworkers of his in the past few years... . 6 people on 2 different emergency inter island medivac flights...
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God bless your dad!

And as a child you had a choice.  I have read many times in your posts the pride and appreciation that you have for what your dad does. 

You could have decided to be resentful and bitter.  You chose instead to be appreciative of what he does -- you recognized the value of it and how it helps others. 

Same with PKs.  You gotta chose. 
 
Pastor Marty said:
What about a pastor who loses his family ... is he out of balance?
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If a pastor has to quit the ministry to save his marriage, then that is what he should do.

If that choice was created by his unwise neglect of his wife and family, then shame on him.

If that choice was created by a wife who selfishly refuses to support her husband in what God has called him to do, then shame on her. 

The longer I am in the ministry, the more genuine appreciation I have for PASTOR'S WIVES who have, over the long haul, supported and encouraged their husbands to serve the Lord and fulfill their calling.  Faithful pastor's wives are MORE deserving of accolades and rewards (both here and in eternity) than their husbands!!!  It is certainly true of my wife!  :)
 
Quote from: Tarheel Baptist:
I'm not against so called equal elder rule.

What do you mean then by "so called"? You don't think it's equal?


There's always one elder who's more equal than the others.
Went to MacArthurs Shepherd conference many years ago and heard about equal elder rule, but it was obvious he was more equal than the other equal elders. That's true in every situation.

Not right or wrong, just the truth.

 
Sherryh said:
We've talked about this in length .........there is no guarantees with children when they are adults.....you pray for them but it's their choice to serve God or live like the devil... I don't claim the parents
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I agree to a point.

A Pastor friend has 4 children and one lives like a pagan.
BUT if all four of his children were pagans, you might wonder....
 
My husband is going to kill me for saying this...but.....I agree with you FRAG!


My Pastor is human, not perfect, but he has three great kids! Two adult sons and one teenage son. I think he is balanced.  Maybe I am being judgemental here, but if a Pastor has children that have strayed it makes me wonder and I have a little bit of doubt about them.

In reference to Linda and Cindy having two different point of views. ALL four of my children could experience the same event but would all have a different take on it. But something smells fishy at the Hyles home!
 
Frag said:
Pastor Marty said:
What about a pastor who loses his family ... is he out of balance?
Click to expand...

If a pastor has to quit the ministry to save his marriage, then that is what he should do.

If that choice was created by his unwise neglect of his wife and family, then shame on him.

If that choice was created by a wife who selfishly refuses to support her husband in what God has called him to do, then shame on her. 

The longer I am in the ministry, the more genuine appreciation I have for PASTOR'S WIVES who have, over the long haul, supported and encouraged their husbands to serve the Lord and fulfill their calling.  Faithful pastor's wives are MORE deserving of accolades and rewards (both here and in eternity) than their husbands!!!  It is certainly true of my wife!  :)
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100% in agreement...especially the last paragraph.  God has blessed me with the best, most Godly wife there is...she is a blessing to me, our family and our church family!
 
Tarheel Baptist said:
Quote from: Tarheel Baptist:
I'm not against so called equal elder rule.

What do you mean then by "so called"? You don't think it's equal?


There's always one elder who's more equal than the others.
Went to MacArthurs Shepherd conference many years ago and heard about equal elder rule, but it was obvious he was more equal than the other equal elders. That's true in every situation.

Not right or wrong, just the truth.
Click to expand...

Absolutely.  That is why when someone says "equal elders" I snicker....
 
kaba said:
My husband is going to kill me for saying this...but.....I agree with you FRAG!
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*Frag faints*



:)
 
I bet those firemen love it when you come and make a pest of yourself...right after you make them the best pot of coffee they've had all day!
 
I have personally known the children of a few very high-profile pastors at different churches. It has been my observance that the two pastors who loudly proclaimed their family came before the church and practiced it have had better adjusted children.

A good leader learns he/she does not/should not be the only leader. In a church that can be a small group leader, deacon, elder, "on-call" pastor, etc. IMO the pastor is often the one with the martyr syndrome for all "they" have to do when really if they taught their churches the responsibility each member is supposed to have. IMO.
 
Frag said:
If a pastor has to quit the ministry to save his marriage, then that is what he should do.

If that choice was created by his unwise neglect of his wife and family, then shame on him.

If that choice was created by a wife who selfishly refuses to support her husband in what God has called him to do, then shame on her. 

The longer I am in the ministry, the more genuine appreciation I have for PASTOR'S WIVES who have, over the long haul, supported and encouraged their husbands to serve the Lord and fulfill their calling.  Faithful pastor's wives are MORE deserving of accolades and rewards (both here and in eternity) than their husbands!!!  It is certainly true of my wife!  :)
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Completely agree
 
Frag said:
Pastor Marty said:
What about a pastor who loses his family ... is he out of balance?
Click to expand...

If a pastor has to quit the ministry to save his marriage, then that is what he should do.

If that choice was created by his unwise neglect of his wife and family, then shame on him.

If that choice was created by a wife who selfishly refuses to support her husband in what God has called him to do, then shame on her. 

The longer I am in the ministry, the more genuine appreciation I have for PASTOR'S WIVES who have, over the long haul, supported and encouraged their husbands to serve the Lord and fulfill their calling.  Faithful pastor's wives are MORE deserving of accolades and rewards (both here and in eternity) than their husbands!!!  It is certainly true of my wife!  :)
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Missed this earlier, but join others in agreement!
A special amen for the thoughts on pastors wives.
 
Frag said:
Pastor Marty said:
What about a pastor who loses his family ... is he out of balance?
Click to expand...

If a pastor has to quit the ministry to save his marriage, then that is what he should do.

If that choice was created by his unwise neglect of his wife and family, then shame on him.

If that choice was created by a wife who selfishly refuses to support her husband in what God has called him to do, then shame on her. 

The longer I am in the ministry, the more genuine appreciation I have for PASTOR'S WIVES who have, over the long haul, supported and encouraged their husbands to serve the Lord and fulfill their calling.  Faithful pastor's wives are MORE deserving of accolades and rewards (both here and in eternity) than their husbands!!!  It is certainly true of my wife!  :)
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While I agree with what you wrote I have a sneaky suspicion that you would regularly side with the pastor by finding some "selfishness" in his wife. Especially if his "neglect" was in the form of church work.
 
Frag said:
Tarheel Baptist said:
Quote from: Tarheel Baptist:
I'm not against so called equal elder rule.

What do you mean then by "so called"? You don't think it's equal?


There's always one elder who's more equal than the others.
Went to MacArthurs Shepherd conference many years ago and heard about equal elder rule, but it was obvious he was more equal than the other equal elders. That's true in every situation.

Not right or wrong, just the truth.
Click to expand...

Absolutely.  That is why when someone says "equal elders" I snicker....
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Don't you think that a group of guys would allow 1 to run over the others? Do you have elders and/or deacons? Would you share leadership responsibilities with others?
 
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