The "Dear So-and-So" Thread

[Smellin Coffee]

Dear Mr. 16KJV11,

In case you were wondering, it appears your keyboard types only the letter "O" in capital letters for each key you punch on your keyboard. You might want to consider getting a new one.

Your friend,

SC

 

[raised2walk]

Dear Parking Garage,

Are you really just a ginormous birdhouse masquerading as a parking garage?

Inquiring minds,
r2w

 

[16KJV11]

Dear Dunkn' Donuts....
Why do you mess up my order so frequently?

 

[Timothy]

Dear Dunkn' Donuts....
Why do you mess up my order so frequently?

Dear 16KJV11,

Have you not gotten the hint? Let me be frank: we do not like you visiting our store. Not only is your order messed up, but Niesh spits in your coffee every time.

Dunkn' Donuts

 

[16KJV11]

Dear Dunkn' Donuts....
Why do you mess up my order so frequently?

Dear 16KJV11,

Have you not gotten the hint? Let me be frank: we do not like you visiting our store. Not only is your order messed up, but Niesh spits in your coffee every time.

Dunkn' Donuts

Now that really hurts. ???

 

[raised2walk]

Dear State Department,

Tick-TOCK on the passport. I mean, really.

r2w

 

[Smellin Coffee]

Dear Meineke,

When I took my daughter's car in for a new muffler, I had no idea how bad you would butcher it up. Besides welding several tubes together, you welded it to my tow hook and after driving it about 15 miles, the entire thing broke off. This after paying $500. Then when I brought it back, you "fixed" it for about 2 days. When I took it to another mechanic to replace the wheel bearings, he showed where you actually smashed in the gas tank to make the muffler fit! Now the muffler is actually banging against the gas tank and created a burn mark on the bottom!

For your information, you will not get one more dime from me. Oh, and when I come to pick up the car, I will bring a mechanic with me to make sure it is done completly right this time.

Sincerely,

SC

 

[lnf]

Dear Sam's Club,

Thank you so much for selling car batteries at such a good price.  Unfortunately for me, the battery you sold me was defective.  Fortunately for me, you were, after two trips, able to determine that my battery had a dead cell, allowing you to honor my 3-year replacement warranty.  Unfortunately for me, you tried to gouge me for an additional disposal fee, and then the difference in price from when I bought the battery until you decided you would honor my 3-year replacement warranty.

Fortunately for me, I have a couple of tenacious bulldogs to look out for my best interests.  Fortunately for me, I did not have to pay any additional fees and now have a fully restored 3-year warranty.

Unfortunately for my tenacious bulldogs, they are out several hours of productive time and several dollars of fuel dealing with your incompetent customer service representatives.  Fortunately for my tenacious bulldogs, they have built up treasures in Heaven, for not allowing me to reimburse them for their losses.

Unfortunately for you, Sam's Club, one of those tenacious bulldogs was planning to get his own Sam's Club membership...until he discovered you employ incompetent customer service representatives.

Also unfortunately for you, Sam's Club, I know a lot of people.  And I will continue to relay this sad tale of customer service woe far and wide.  It just might cost you more than the price of a defective battery...that you would have gotten your money back for, anyway.

Bleh, lnf.   

 

[16KJV11]

Dear State Department,

Tick-TOCK on the passport. I mean, really.

r2w

Did u mention anything about being conservative?

 

[patriotic]

Dear NSA,

Go ahead an look at my phone records.

Sincerely,
Verizon Customer

 

[raised2walk]

Dear little bird outside my window this morning before dawn,

I know it's springtime and you are very happy the sun is coming up again, but SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Kind regards,
r2w

 

[16KJV11]

Dear little bird outside my window this morning before dawn,

I know it's springtime and you are very happy the sun is coming up again, but SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Kind regards,
r2w

Dear Mrs. R2W,
PFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT.....
Sincerely,
The little bird outside your window! 

 

[Evelyn]

Dear Krispy Kreme,

I would like to kindly thank you for being invented.

Sincerely,
a loyal customer

 

[16KJV11]

Dear Dunkin Donuts,
Thank you for opening your store in our town.
Sincerely,
Weight Watchers of America

 

[lnf]

Dear Dunkin Donuts,
Thank you for opening your store in our town.
Sincerely,
Weight Watchers of America

giggle, giggle.

 

[lnf]

I had to google "malasada".  Mmm...they do look yummy!  Better to support the local small business than the chain store, anyway.  ;D

 

[patriotic]

Dear pollen,

Could you please reduce your counts and disappear altogether? 

Sincerely,
Allegra overdose patient 

 

[Torrent v.3]

dear dunkin donuts and krispy kreme....

i hate you both...  ...

i hate you dunkin donuts coz you use to have a really kewl store here and then you closed it... now there are no dunkin donuts anywhere on oahu.....

and i hate you krispy kreme coz you got us all excited, a few years ago, advertizing you were coming to hawaii ...... then you opened your store on maui.......  .....  .what?...  did you think those of us on oahu can just swim over there any time we want a donut?... ...  oh yeah we still got krispy kremes from time to time...  :... whenever someone flew over to maui.. picked up several cases.. and came back here to sell them stale at twice the price.... ..  and so if you were wondering why you never see me in your store now that you do have on in honolulu... you know the reason why.....  ... ....

not even yours truly.... 
aleshanee.....
who is now a devoted malasada eater from leonards bakery......

You're such a rebel.

 

[patriotic]

dear dunkin donuts and krispy kreme....

i hate you both...  ...

i hate you dunkin donuts coz you use to have a really kewl store here and then you closed it... now there are no dunkin donuts anywhere on oahu.....

and i hate you krispy kreme coz you got us all excited, a few years ago, advertizing you were coming to hawaii ...... then you opened your store on maui.......  .....  .what?...  did you think those of us on oahu can just swim over there any time we want a donut?... ...  oh yeah we still got krispy kremes from time to time...  :... whenever someone flew over to maui.. picked up several cases.. and came back here to sell them stale at twice the price.... ..  and so if you were wondering why you never see me in your store now that you do have on in honolulu... you know the reason why.....  ... ....

not even yours truly.... 
aleshanee.....
who is now a devoted malasada eater from leonards bakery......

You're such a rebel.

I dislike them both as well.  Dunkin Donuts is exactly 2.4 mi from my house, and Krispy Kreme (actual donut bakery) is exactly 7.0 miles from my driveway.  I think both are overrated. 

 

[16KJV11]

dear dunkin donuts and krispy kreme....

i hate you both...  ...

i hate you dunkin donuts coz you use to have a really kewl store here and then you closed it... now there are no dunkin donuts anywhere on oahu.....

and i hate you krispy kreme coz you got us all excited, a few years ago, advertizing you were coming to hawaii ...... then you opened your store on maui.......  .....  .what?...  did you think those of us on oahu can just swim over there any time we want a donut?... ...  oh yeah we still got krispy kremes from time to time...  :... whenever someone flew over to maui.. picked up several cases.. and came back here to sell them stale at twice the price.... ..  and so if you were wondering why you never see me in your store now that you do have on in honolulu... you know the reason why.....  ... ....

not even yours truly.... 
aleshanee.....
who is now a devoted malasada eater from leonards bakery......

You're such a rebel.

I dislike them both as well.  Dunkin Donuts is exactly 2.4 mi from my house, and Krispy Kreme (actual donut bakery) is exactly 7.0 miles from my driveway.  I think both are overrated.

LIES!  BLASPHEMY!  HERESY!  ??? ??? ???