The "craziest" sermons I have ever heard

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OK, Hacker Nation, we have all heard our share of "crazy" sermons in our day.  Maybe the sermon had a unique title.  Maybe the sermon strayed far from the Biblical text.  Perhaps the sermon was presented in an unordinary fashion.

Tell us about it!!
 
CW's sermon on staying faithful to the ministry.  His exact words:

"Git r done! Rest awhile. Then Git r done again!"

I'm not lying.  You can't make this stuff up.

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
 
I've mentioned this before, but I'm pretty sure it was on the Forum in one of its previous incarnations. So here goes...

Probably all of us have heard our share of bone-head sermons, stories, etc. I think the craziest sermon I ever heard was when my previous (HAC-grad) pastor was out of town and asked a man to preach. He preached on The Seven-Letter Saviour.

It was the weirdest thing I think I've ever heard in church.  Rather that type out all the details, I memorized it in a book I wrote about KJVOism in the churches.  Here's what i wrote a few year ago...

This author once heard a Ruckmanite preach a message about the Seven-Letter Saviour. The congregation was instructed to turn in their Bibles to several passages referencing the word Saviour. The basic premise of the message was to create doubt among the congregation as to whether they were serving the right kind of Savior based solely on the spelling of the word in their King James Bible. This speaker used the typical radical KJVO talking points stating that the modern American Bible publishers are part of a vast Left-Wing New-Age conspiracy to bring the Antichrist to power through the subtle means of the Six-Letter Savior King James Bible. This theory is laughable because an even casual check of history will reveal that Noah Webster produced his own version of the KJV in 1833 in which he referred to the Six-Letter Savior.

At the time this message was preached, this author was the manager of the church’s bookstore. Immediately after the message, a dear lady came into the bookstore noticeably distressed (almost in tears) thinking that her Six-Letter Savior KJV was sinful and wrong. She proceeded to look at the Bibles on display in the bookstore to see if they referenced a Seven-Letter or Six-Letter Savior. This author attempted to assure her that her Six-Letter Savior KJV was not sinful or wrong and certainly did not change the identity or attributes of the Lord Jesus Christ, nor was it a reflection of her spirituality, despite what this KJVO extremist had said.
 
I loved Bro. Marshalls sermon on Acts 26:14

He went into how some folks were....well it brought out the red faces and muted laughter.....
 
qwerty said:
I loved Bro. Marshalls sermon on Acts 26:14

He went into how some folks were....well it brought out the red faces and muted laughter.....
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Wow.  What a wonderful theologian who is helping people grow towards God.


Why would people go to his church?
 
Binaca Chugger said:
qwerty said:
I loved Bro. Marshalls sermon on Acts 26:14

He went into how some folks were....well it brought out the red faces and muted laughter.....
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Wow.  What a wonderful theologian who is helping people grow towards God.


Why would people go to his church?
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I think it is more that he did not understand the "urban dictionary" use of the word. It's in the Bible right? but it is not that kind of irritant Bob....
 
I hope he did not read that in public.

That does not mean in our time what it meant 400 years ago.

This verse makes a good case for keeping Bibles up to date with the vernacular language.

 
bgwilkinson said:
I hope he did not read that in public.

That does not mean in our time what it meant 400 years ago.

This verse makes a good case for keeping Bibles up to date with the vernacular language.
Click to expand...

Words that need to be added.

    Aight - short for alright
    Be easy - be calm
    Beef - serious trouble
    Bling - very shiny jewelry
    Buggin - acting silly
    Churrin - children
    Crew - a group of people working together
    Crib - your home
    Crunk - excited, enthusiastic
    Dis - harass
    Finna - about to do something
    Fitty - fifty
    Folks - people or acquaintances
    Fresh - brand new or great
    Grill - face or personal space
    Hood - your neighborhood
    Ice - diamonds, jewelry with lots of diamonds
    Jet - leave in a hurry
    Jocking my style - copycatting
    Kicks - shoes
    Mad - many
    Math - phone number
    Mo - more
    Off the hinges - outstanding
    paper - money
    Peep - friend; to look at something
    Po-po - the police
    Rollout - to leave
    Shoot the five - to fight
    Slammin - something really great
    Tight - cool or nice
    Vibe - how you feel
    Wack - terrible, not good
    Yayo - money
    Yo - a greeting; short for “your”

Also, I learned a new on the other day.  "Sick" = that's good. 

That was a sick sermon. 
 
Bruh said:
bgwilkinson said:
I hope he did not read that in public.

That does not mean in our time what it meant 400 years ago.

This verse makes a good case for keeping Bibles up to date with the vernacular language.
Click to expand...

Words that need to be added.

    Aight - short for alright
    Be easy - be calm
    Beef - serious trouble
    Bling - very shiny jewelry
    Buggin - acting silly
    Churrin - children
    Crew - a group of people working together
    Crib - your home
    Crunk - excited, enthusiastic
    Dis - harass
    Finna - about to do something
    Fitty - fifty
    Folks - people or acquaintances
    Fresh - brand new or great
    Grill - face or personal space
    Hood - your neighborhood
    Ice - diamonds, jewelry with lots of diamonds
    Jet - leave in a hurry
    Jocking my style - copycatting
    Kicks - shoes
    Mad - many
    Math - phone number
    Mo - more
    Off the hinges - outstanding
    paper - money
    Peep - friend; to look at something
    Po-po - the police
    Rollout - to leave
    Shoot the five - to fight
    Slammin - something really great
    Tight - cool or nice
    Vibe - how you feel
    Wack - terrible, not good
    Yayo - money
    Yo - a greeting; short for “your”

Also, I learned a new on the other day.  "Sick" = that's good. 

That was a sick sermon.
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Don't forget Bruh - Brother...
 
16KJV11 said:
Bruh said:
bgwilkinson said:
I hope he did not read that in public.

That does not mean in our time what it meant 400 years ago.

This verse makes a good case for keeping Bibles up to date with the vernacular language.
Click to expand...

Words that need to be added.

    Aight - short for alright
    Be easy - be calm
    Beef - serious trouble
    Bling - very shiny jewelry
    Buggin - acting silly
    Churrin - children
    Crew - a group of people working together
    Crib - your home
    Crunk - excited, enthusiastic
    Dis - harass
    Finna - about to do something
    Fitty - fifty
    Folks - people or acquaintances
    Fresh - brand new or great
    Grill - face or personal space
    Hood - your neighborhood
    Ice - diamonds, jewelry with lots of diamonds
    Jet - leave in a hurry
    Jocking my style - copycatting
    Kicks - shoes
    Mad - many
    Math - phone number
    Mo - more
    Off the hinges - outstanding
    paper - money
    Peep - friend; to look at something
    Po-po - the police
    Rollout - to leave
    Shoot the five - to fight
    Slammin - something really great
    Tight - cool or nice
    Vibe - how you feel
    Wack - terrible, not good
    Yayo - money
    Yo - a greeting; short for “your”

Also, I learned a new on the other day.  "Sick" = that's good. 

That was a sick sermon.
Click to expand...
Don't forget Bruh - Brother...
Click to expand...

PwwaaaHaaaa!  that's a good one, for real. 

That's dope!!  LOL!!
 
Gomez telling everyone that his current wife was a virgin when they got married. 
 
Jim Vineyard went on a rant about women being "hussies".

He then began to walk up and down the platform point to his "you know what" yelling, you can't have this, you can't have this. 

I am so glad I figured these guys out before I had children of my own.  I surely do not want them growing up thinking that "this is preachen".. ::)

But it sure was fun while it lasted.  :)
 
1 And it was don aftirward, and Jhesu made iorney by citees and castelis, prechinge and euangelysinge þe rewme of God, 2 and twelue wiþ him; and summe wymmen þat weren heelid of wickide spiritis and syknessis, Marie, þat is clepid Mawdeleyn, of whom seuene deuelis wenten 3 out, and Jone, þe wyf of Chuse, procuratour of Eroude, and Susanne, and manye oþere, whiche mynystriden to him of her riches.  — Luke ch.8, v.1–3

English translation of the Bible...
 
qwerty said:
bgwilkinson said:
I hope he did not read that in public.
Click to expand...

College chapel, so about the most immature crowd you could find.
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How can a guy that was in the military NOT know what that word meant? Then he preached at the other schools if I remember right.

Is anyone going to mention Joe Boyd's sermons?.....
 
Bruh said:
Gomez telling everyone that his current wife was a virgin when they got married.
Click to expand...

And why is that crazy?  Are you just trying to be vile about him or her?
 
Walt said:
Bruh said:
Gomez telling everyone that his current wife was a virgin when they got married.
Click to expand...

And why is that crazy?  Are you just trying to be vile about him or her?
Click to expand...

I am literally killing myself laughing.

And why is that crazy?  Are you serious?
 
rsc2a said:
1 And it was don aftirward, and Jhesu made iorney by citees and castelis, prechinge and euangelysinge þe rewme of God, 2 and twelue wiþ him; and summe wymmen þat weren heelid of wickide spiritis and syknessis, Marie, þat is clepid Mawdeleyn, of whom seuene deuelis wenten 3 out, and Jone, þe wyf of Chuse, procuratour of Eroude, and Susanne, and manye oþere, whiche mynystriden to him of her riches.  — Luke ch.8, v.1–3

English translation of the Bible...
Click to expand...

Most people don't understand Wycliffe very well.
Bede would be hopeless.
 
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