Often used pastoral quotes, jokes, and stories

"Now, close your Bibles and look at me."

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"The last thing you think of at night will be the first thing you think of in the morning.".    Joe Combs

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Baptist City Holdout said:
"If I called his name everybody in the room would know him."
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Nicely done!
 
Baptist City Holdout said:
"Don't put your shoes on yet, ladies."
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First one I thought of...only I've heard it more often as, "I'm almost finished. You can put your shoes back on, ladies."
 
'I'll bet you  a dollar. No, I won't. Betting's a sin. .....I'll bet you a quarter."
 
The first personal pronoun

                      I.
 
The story about the pastor visiting the old lady in the old folks home who eats from the bowl of peanuts.
 
I like barbed wire Christianity.
That's the kind you can't ride the fence on.

earnestly contend

 
From the preacher to the visitors:

"I see you don't like what I'm preaching" , "that's alright, I'll load you wagon while your here".
 
Some of you visitors have probably never heard preaching like this.

Well you've come to a real Bible preaching Baptist church today.
 
Preacher says they look or they sound like a "dying calf in a hail storm".
 
The story of two dogs fighting, one the old nature the other your new nature.
 
The joke about the dog fight where one of the dogs was a white alligator with his tail cut off.
 
The story of a bridge operator who had to choose between his child, who was playing in the gears of the bridge, or the train load of 100's of people on the train.

From: To Sacrifice a Son: An Allegory," written by Dennis E. Hensley
 
The little boy and the sail boat story.

He made the little boat then he later bought it back. 
 
The story about the little girl who sings "stand up stand up for Jesus" & the atheist speaker runs away.
 
The story where the Linebacker who knocks the atheist off the platform and says " God was busy so he sent me".
 
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