Abusive Pastors in the Pulpit

[AmazedbyGrace]

Yes I am sorry for coming across that way.
I am stuck in a similar situation to that you tube clip, and yes its starting to get to me.

What would happen if you just stopped attending this church?

 

[OZZY]

don't these churchgoers have any balls to wack that [expletive removed] in the face. they just sit there and take it. Really gets to me

It is very sad that you would let these things get to you.

I hope you find courage to overcome such small things.

Yes I am sorry for coming across that way.
I am stuck in a similar situation to that you tube clip, and yes its starting to get to me.

By the looks of your post you seem to have wasted your time in that church , move on !

 

[JustABigKid]

Yes I am sorry for coming across that way.
I am stuck in a similar situation to that you tube clip, and yes its starting to get to me.

What would happen if you just stopped attending this church?

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden
2nd If he is a younger person/teenager the pastor would then tell all his friends from the church to not talk to him or hang out with him or they will get in "big" trouble. He will tell his friends that he is a rebel and backslidden. If he is older and has kids in the church his kids friends will be told this same thing about the entire family.
3rd He will be denounced from the pulpit as being backslidden, not right with God
4th He will be either guilted into coming back to church or will never want to darken the door of a church again and will look like the scum of the earth to those that remain
5th If he ever attends any events like a football game, basketball game, etc that the church might be a part of people will give him dirty looks, some will ask him "why are you here?" or "Are you here to make trouble?" Others will say you are just here to flaunt your sin even if he isnt even in any sin.

These are the reasons it is so hard to leave because you are made to feel so bad and guilty even if you know it is right to leave.

 

[Ransom]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

 

[JustABigKid]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

I laughed a good one when I first read your post.

This first point in my scenario doesn't happen openly it happens in your home, on the phone, or in the pastor's office when you are called for an audience with him. But your point would be good for the rest of the scenario.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

Exactly!
If these abusive Pastors had no one to abuse, or pay the bills....

The people who continue to attend these churches are, at best, enablers.

 

[Mathew Ward]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

Exactly!
If these abusive Pastors had no one to abuse, or pay the bills....

The people who continue to attend these churches are, at best, enablers.

Or maybe deceived sheep.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

Exactly!
If these abusive Pastors had no one to abuse, or pay the bills....

The people who continue to attend these churches are, at best, enablers.

Or maybe deceived sheep.

Maybe.
But the truth remains...they enable the abuse and the abuser.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

I laughed a good one when I first read your post.

This first point in my scenario doesn't happen openly it happens in your home, on the phone, or in the pastor's office when you are called for an audience with him. But your point would be good for the rest of the scenario.

You assume they have no control outside a public service.....not necessarily true.
I know there are psychological factors at work in ANY abusive relationship....but there comes a point that the one being abused must begin to take some responsibility....for something.

 

[JustABigKid]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

I laughed a good one when I first read your post.

This first point in my scenario doesn't happen openly it happens in your home, on the phone, or in the pastor's office when you are called for an audience with him. But your point would be good for the rest of the scenario.

You assume they have no control outside a public service.....not necessarily true.
I know there are psychological factors at work in ANY abusive relationship....but there comes a point that the one being abused must begin to take some responsibility....for something.

Many times people who are being "abused" do take the responsiblity but they take it differently than we would expect. They think they are deserving of it because of some wrong they have done towards the person that is giving the abuse this is a big reason why people don't leave.

Have you ever wondered why a woman that is in an abusive relationship at home doesn't just leave? The lady is thinking that she did something to deserve it thus she needs to stay to make it right. This is the same technique used in these churches. Thus when someone leaves the begin the ritual as I stated above to try to get them back much like an abusive man does to a woman.

The brainwashing that occurs in both the home and church "abuse" is what makes them think this way. Until someone is able to get the person to see the light that they are not the ones doing the wrong it will continue. And we can sit and say they are stupid, or they need to take responsibility; but in fact they think they are taking responsibility by trying to meet whatever standard was placed before them so they no longer will be degraded or berrated.

 

[Sherryh]

Excellent post....

 

[Just me]

Yes I am sorry for coming across that way.
I am stuck in a similar situation to that you tube clip, and yes its starting to get to me.

What would happen if you just stopped attending this church?

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden
2nd If he is a younger person/teenager the pastor would then tell all his friends from the church to not talk to him or hang out with him or they will get in "big" trouble. He will tell his friends that he is a rebel and backslidden. If he is older and has kids in the church his kids friends will be told this same thing about the entire family.
3rd He will be denounced from the pulpit as being backslidden, not right with God
4th He will be either guilted into coming back to church or will never want to darken the door of a church again and will look like the scum of the earth to those that remain
5th If he ever attends any events like a football game, basketball game, etc that the church might be a part of people will give him dirty looks, some will ask him "why are you here?" or "Are you here to make trouble?" Others will say you are just here to flaunt your sin even if he isnt even in any sin.

These are the reasons it is so hard to leave because you are made to feel so bad and guilty even if you know it is right to leave.

Spoken as one who has observed it many times.  Well said JustABigKid.

 

[Just me]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

Exactly!
If these abusive Pastors had no one to abuse, or pay the bills....

The people who continue to attend these churches are, at best, enablers.

Or maybe deceived sheep.

Maybe.
But the truth remains...they enable the abuse and the abuser.

Classic blame the victum line of thinking. 

Not buying it.

 

[Just me]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

I laughed a good one when I first read your post.

This first point in my scenario doesn't happen openly it happens in your home, on the phone, or in the pastor's office when you are called for an audience with him. But your point would be good for the rest of the scenario.

You assume they have no control outside a public service.....not necessarily true.
I know there are psychological factors at work in ANY abusive relationship....but there comes a point that the one being abused must begin to take some responsibility....for something.

Many times people who are being "abused" do take the responsiblity but they take it differently than we would expect. They think they are deserving of it because of some wrong they have done towards the person that is giving the abuse this is a big reason why people don't leave.

Have you ever wondered why a woman that is in an abusive relationship at home doesn't just leave? The lady is thinking that she did something to deserve it thus she needs to stay to make it right. This is the same technique used in these churches. Thus when someone leaves the begin the ritual as I stated above to try to get them back much like an abusive man does to a woman.

The brainwashing that occurs in both the home and church "abuse" is what makes them think this way. Until someone is able to get the person to see the light that they are not the ones doing the wrong it will continue. And we can sit and say they are stupid, or they need to take responsibility; but in fact they think they are taking responsibility by trying to meet whatever standard was placed before them so they no longer will be degraded or berrated.

Yep!!! Good post again JustABigKid

 

[AmazedbyGrace]

Yes I am sorry for coming across that way.
I am stuck in a similar situation to that you tube clip, and yes its starting to get to me.

What would happen if you just stopped attending this church?

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden
2nd If he is a younger person/teenager the pastor would then tell all his friends from the church to not talk to him or hang out with him or they will get in "big" trouble. He will tell his friends that he is a rebel and backslidden. If he is older and has kids in the church his kids friends will be told this same thing about the entire family.
3rd He will be denounced from the pulpit as being backslidden, not right with God
4th He will be either guilted into coming back to church or will never want to darken the door of a church again and will look like the scum of the earth to those that remain
5th If he ever attends any events like a football game, basketball game, etc that the church might be a part of people will give him dirty looks, some will ask him "why are you here?" or "Are you here to make trouble?" Others will say you are just here to flaunt your sin even if he isnt even in any sin.

These are the reasons it is so hard to leave because you are made to feel so bad and guilty even if you know it is right to leave.

I am familiar with the M.O. of IFBx churches. I want to know what HaHA IFB is specifically fearing. These abusive pastors rely on members'  fear.

Abusive people abuse, we know that. But hanging around for more abuse just to avoid the pastor dissing you to everyone in your absence is not healthy either.

The people in the pew are enablers, and enablers tend to get abused by those they enable.

 

[JustABigKid]

Yes I am sorry for coming across that way.
I am stuck in a similar situation to that you tube clip, and yes its starting to get to me.

What would happen if you just stopped attending this church?

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden
2nd If he is a younger person/teenager the pastor would then tell all his friends from the church to not talk to him or hang out with him or they will get in "big" trouble. He will tell his friends that he is a rebel and backslidden. If he is older and has kids in the church his kids friends will be told this same thing about the entire family.
3rd He will be denounced from the pulpit as being backslidden, not right with God
4th He will be either guilted into coming back to church or will never want to darken the door of a church again and will look like the scum of the earth to those that remain
5th If he ever attends any events like a football game, basketball game, etc that the church might be a part of people will give him dirty looks, some will ask him "why are you here?" or "Are you here to make trouble?" Others will say you are just here to flaunt your sin even if he isnt even in any sin.

These are the reasons it is so hard to leave because you are made to feel so bad and guilty even if you know it is right to leave.

I am familiar with the M.O. of IFBx churches. I want to know what HaHA IFB is specifically fearing. These abusive pastors rely on member's  fear.

Abusive people abuse, we know that. But hanging around for more abuse just to avoid the pastor dissing you to everyone in your absence is not healthy either.

The people in the pew are enablers, and enablers tend to get abused by those they enable.

You are correct about the enablers but that is why I showed you why they enable in this post.

Many times people who are being "abused" do take the responsiblity but they take it differently than we would expect. They think they are deserving of it because of some wrong they have done towards the person that is giving the abuse this is a big reason why people don't leave.

Have you ever wondered why a woman that is in an abusive relationship at home doesn't just leave? The lady is thinking that she did something to deserve it thus she needs to stay to make it right. This is the same technique used in these churches. Thus when someone leaves the begin the ritual as I stated above to try to get them back much like an abusive man does to a woman.

The brainwashing that occurs in both the home and church "abuse" is what makes them think this way. Until someone is able to get the person to see the light that they are not the ones doing the wrong it will continue. And we can sit and say they are stupid, or they need to take responsibility; but in fact they think they are taking responsibility by trying to meet whatever standard was placed before them so they no longer will be degraded or berrated.

 

[qwerty]

If one leaves an abusive church, who cares what is said there after the door closes behind you.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

1st the pastor would begin berrating him that he is out of God's will and backslidden

Which raises an important philosophical point.

If a windbag huffs and puffs his worthless opinions in a church and you're not there to hear him, does he make a sound?

Exactly!
If these abusive Pastors had no one to abuse, or pay the bills....

The people who continue to attend these churches are, at best, enablers.

Or maybe deceived sheep.

Maybe.
But the truth remains...they enable the abuse and the abuser.

Classic blame the victum line of thinking. 

Not buying it.

I'm not blaming anyone...just stating the obvious.
If the people in the pews didn't attend, give, support the abuser's ministry....it would cease to exist.
Now, as I have stated, there are many psychological factors in any abuse situation....but those who support (attend, give serve) someone like the loon in the video are enabling him.

Not selling anything.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Just a big kid:
Many times people who are being "abused" do take the responsiblity but they take it differently than we would expect. They think they are deserving of it because of some wrong they have done towards the person that is giving the abuse this is a big reason why people don't leave.

Have you ever wondered why a woman that is in an abusive relationship at home doesn't just leave? The lady is thinking that she did something to deserve it thus she needs to stay to make it right. This is the same technique used in these churches. Thus when someone leaves the begin the ritual as I stated above to try to get them back much like an abusive man does to a woman.

The brainwashing that occurs in both the home and church "abuse" is what makes them think this way. Until someone is able to get the person to see the light that they are not the ones doing the wrong it will continue. And we can sit and say they are stupid, or they need to take responsibility; but in fact they think they are taking responsibility by trying to meet whatever standard was placed before them so they no longer will be degraded or berrated.

I am very much aware of the dynamic of continuing domestic abuse.

I said they were dumb....which I defined as 'lacking discernment'.
That is true.

I said at some point they had to take some responsibility.
If and when the abuse cycle is broken he abused must begin to take some responsibility for their situation and future well being.

 

[Bob H]

If one leaves an abusive church, who cares what is said there after the door closes behind you.

What he said.