I don't have any answers or solutions about colleges or churches or religion anymore. I wanted to join the forum because I am lonely, been out of church for close to two years and feeling even more isolated with this Covid19 thing.
I thought I wanted to connect with former HACers, but I've already shared enough about myself that people I once loved in this circle or love now can be hurt. I've been hurt, whether it matters to God or the people who hurt me or their children doesn't matter to me. It doesn't give me a license to hurt others in my anger. It would make me no better than these people.
Sherryh, if I reveal much about myself, IFB circles are small enough; you could probably figure out my home church and some of the churches I attended. My version goes against these men's reputations or their children's eulogies of the men they loved. These men are everything to their children and whoever just has to believe in them.
I walked away from people because their secrets were more important than me. That church has done all it can to rewrite it's history of covering incest, rape, and attempted rape. They have to rewrite it to get a pastor in there. I am in the shadows of that church. It angers me greatly to see the lying and cover ups continue.
I went to HAC because of a sexual advance and wanted to avoid a possible rape. I found safety in the dorms at HAC amidst all their crazy drama and disfunction, too. I wanted to believe in something and tried to until their kids came out about it.
It matters what happened to Joy Evan's Ryder whether her story is being told perfectly to everyone's liking or not. Somewhere between our emotionally charged hurtful stories and these men's stories and their eulogized memories lies the truth. I am trying to hold on to a God I once believed in, hoping He's not like any of these men, and hoping He's not Someone that was made up as a crutch to hold on to like Obama supposedly said about believers.
If God is real, and I sincerely want to believe He is, for my sake, because He really doesn't need me, does He care about what is happening to women, children, our country, our citizens, this world, or has He finally said enough is enough?