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- Apr 10, 2013
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brainisengaged said:Yes! Raider, your wife is insightful. They give these little ultimatums that come across like guilt trips. Once we moved here, I went to my first few Spectaculars, expecting something...well, spectacular. I would learn all the things I "should" be doing in order to have a great marriage. I would try them. My husband would not respond or would not notice or would not like what I was doing. I would explain in frustration that I was told to do these things. He would gently and wisely explain, "They are not married to me. You are. I don't need those things, I need you." Or something equally wonderfully freeing if not those exact words.
To be fair, I only checked in on the conference at a few points. Of course there was good teaching. The Vogel girls taught on how to open up your closet and make cute outfits out of clothes you already own. Mrs. Mutchler taught on how ladies ought to be encouraging to others. You know, that kind of stuff that is really more meaty than the Myron & Cactus skits and Belinda ditties!
p.s. I remember a lady teaching once that in order to be a good wife, you have to be reliable. She made certain she was sitting in the same chair every time her husband came home from being away, so he would always find her in the exact same place whenever he came home. I used to listen to things like that and literally think, "Wow, this is a woman who really knows the innermost secrets to the Christian life!" Then I mentioned it to my husband, who gave me a quizzical look, and said something like, "I think I will know where to find you when I get home if I just look around a little and find what you are doing."To be fair, since a lot of men are kind of weird around here...(sorry guys but it is true), a lot of women have to adapt to their weirdness and then they pass it off as Christian principled methods of relationship building. Or something like that...Like the way they teach us gals to be cheerleaders for our husbands. My husband (I am telling on him a lot here) actually scorns a man who is so needy he needs a cheerleader. I am not kidding, at the men's softball leagues, there are some who have their wives and daughters cheering them on and it is encouraged that the good wife will come and cheer her husband on. My husband expressly told me to spend my Saturday doing whatever I wanted or needed to do and he is secure enough in his ability / manhood to not need to be cheered on. (Which reminds me, Belinda also led the ladies at the conference in cheering for their churches...oy!)
Okay, the Vogel girls??? They're about 25 years my junior and most of the other ladies in there too telling these older women what to do??? OMG! This is why I don't go to these conferences. I went once and once was enough. I loved to hear Mrs. Evans and Mrs. Hyles, women much older and much wiser than me, but when it came to others much younger than me telling me how to have a wonderful marriage and how to treat my man, that was too much for me. UGH! It's like listening to the Duggers!!
