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Castor Muscular
Guest
T-Bone said:
I respected your request, though I can't imagine why you'd want to remove a video of a couple who clearly did not have sex before marriage. That's rare and admirable these days, isn't it?
How does one know if they're ready for marriage?
- Thread starter brianb
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I respected your request, though I can't imagine why you'd want to remove a video of a couple who clearly did not have sex before marriage. That's rare and admirable these days, isn't it?
T-Bone said:
You can't trust the French any more to make anything decent. In France it's TV is heavily pornified. Probably no Christians even watch TV there. It's much worse than here. This is not an attack on all French people - my ancestors are from France and I think France is ok - just not on TV.
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standingtall
Guest
I've lived in Europe. Their stuff is no worse than some of the stuff on certain cable TV channels here (and I'm not talking about pay-per-view).brianb said:
Castor Muscular said:T-Bone said:
I respected your request, though I can't imagine why you'd want to remove a video of a couple who clearly did not have sex before marriage. That's rare and admirable these days, isn't it?
It was a ridiculous scenario they portrayed. A heterosexual man and a transvestite - if it was real they could get an annulment since it was based on a lie. And it's from France - I think whatever happens in France should stay in France especially on TV. We don't need to see it here.
Castor Muscular said:T-Bone said:
I respected your request, though I can't imagine why you'd want to remove a video of a couple who clearly did not have sex before marriage. That's rare and admirable these days, isn't it?
Thank you brother...LOL on the last statement!
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Gina B
Guest
brianb said:
As a woman, if I read what you just posted, I'd be pretty turned off and here's why. This is my personal opinion and I don't mean it to sound as harsh as it may come across, but I'm not going to lie either so here goes.
1. The comment that you've seen a lot of women out there and none come close. In my mind, that's just saying "I haven't found anyone better yet, so why not marry this one?" Romance isn't everything, but it does count for something and my initial reaction would be "...and what if someone 'better' does come along?' " I want to know that I am loved for ME, not because they hadn't yet found a better option.
2. The comment about having money to buy her things. If that what makes you feel like good husband material, that makes me think that if the person who said that lost a job, the economy went bad, etc., then I'd be dealing with a mopey, depressed man who felt he wasn't a good husband because he couldn't offer the material things HE wanted to offer me. It's twice as worrisome when the woman has enough money and has to worry about the guy not feeling manly enough because she's making more. It's nice to have a thoughtful guy, but if a girl puts a lot of stock into the worthiness of a marriage by asking "what can he buy for me?" then that's a pretty immature view of marriage.
3. The comment about "you can't always get what you want." That could be read in soooo many ways. Do you mean you can't get a better girl at the moment, or does it mean you're already feeling like she should be okay with you not providing to the best of your ability because people can't always get what they want? Or are you talking about what YOU want to be able to do, which leads back to wondering about your ability to stay emotionally stable if, for reasons beyond your control, you can't provide in the way you would like to?
As far as being ready...I can't answer for everyone. My first marriage was a wreck...neither of us believers when we married, he remained that way and I didn't. Lots of other stuff. After it ended, I had no desire to date, remarry, nothing of the sort.
It just happened. We knew we would end up married before we even physically met. We probably talked ten x more than most people who date ever do before they marry, hours a day on the phone.
And it just was. It shocked me a lot. I'd always joked that God would have to practically drop the person on my lap out of the sky, point, and say "MARRY THIS GUY" before I would, and it really did become that obvious. (and as far as the sky part, he was Air Force. LOL) I can't imagine life with anyone else and don't want to. He's perfect for me. We fit. I think it also helps to be grounded in your concept of love, knowing that it's not all the mushy gushy stuff, even though that part is nice too, but true love...as in caring for someone no matter what, continuing to show them love even when things aren't perfect. To not give up on them. To work with them, to work together, to help them in their faults instead of deriding them for having them. And everyone has them, no matter how great they seem. There's almost always something new to learn about someone, no longer how long you've known them.
Gina B said:
In my case there aren't very many Christians let alone Christians in my denomination in my part of the world British Columbia. In my church alone there is none. It's very hard for any Christian here to find someone not just in British Columbia but in the Pacific Northwest - there are not as many true Christians in this area as any where else. I had pretty much given up on Christian girls and had decided to befriend non-Christian girls but I believe that God prevented me from doing that. Non-Christian girls can very easily get a man into trouble - to get involved with one would hurt me spiritually. There is more to this girl then just that she is a Christian and IFB and all the church side of things. In addition to being physically attractive, she has many of the same interests as me. She likes music and is a musician - I've heard her play online. She cares about Canada like I do and has no interest in being a missionary in a foreign country. Besides that if God didn't want her to be in my life in any way I wouldn't be thinking about her. I'm not worried about whether I'll be married or not. I could die in the near future or something. Right now even though there is nothing romantic there is some type of communication and she is more than just a girl - she is like a friend to me who helps me spiritually and helps to me think - it's an iron sharpening iron relationship right now - certainly not based on hormones or mere physical attraction. There's no urgency to get married or even be in a romantic relationship. It's her whole unique personality that I'm most attracted to. Believe it or not I found her initially on Facebook she's a friend of one my friends. There's no sense in spending money on Eharmony whether that's good or not. I don't know if any IFB girls would be on there any ways - they most likely wouldn't be like this girl - this girl is rare. A lot of IFB girls or I should say women my age or close to my age are either married, still in college or they have plans which are different from my plans. It's important for me to be agreed on purposes and plans. If a woman wants to work or be a missionary in China for example - I'm sorry but I can't join her - that's not even God's will for my life. I'm not as interested in China or any other country as much as Canada. God has put Canada in my heart - there are so many people who need the truth up here. Basically though I just want to do God's will whether it means I get married or not. I don't want to compromise my unique beliefs and convictions just to marry someone who may satisfy me in other ways. Besides that I have met other girls (IFB) and there have been a few that I found attractive but they weren't interested. Some may be thinking that because it is an IFB church that I'm in that that's why I can't find any one. Where I live my best bet to finding someone here would be to become a Pentecostal which I'm certainly not going to do. Even when I was a teenager there were hardly any girls in the other churches I went to (mostly Baptist) and I didn't find them attractive. Most Christian girls were in larger denominations (Pentecostal/Charismatic). There's something about those denominations that attracts the really nice girls.
Gina B said:
I'll quickly answer the third point. Basically my view of work is the Bible says I should work. It's not about feeling manly. It's about doing the right thing and not being lazy. Any body can work even in a bad economy or they could become self-employed. I've thought about getting a union job but there's always the possibility of going on strike. I'm one of these old-fashioned people who is content with my wages. My dad was in a union and he didn't really like the job - he worked for over 30 years at that job though. I don't know if I should really pursue that kind of a job. I've had my heart set on doing some kind of web design - I'm trained in that area and I like graphic design - I just don't know whether I should take another course or just show my work online.
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Gina B
Guest
Brian, that makes a lot more sense now. I've found half the joy in life seems to be when something is uncertain and we find ourselves seeking God even more. It helps us grow. Peace to you as you continue to discover what's in store for your life. 
R
raised2walk
Guest
brianb said:
Umm. . . have you actually met this chick? I mean, other than on the internets?
It seems to me that you have idealized her to the extreme, which tends to happen when one has built up a fantasy in one's over-analytical noggin.
raised2walk said:
She's a lot more of a match than the women I have met in person. Like I said in a previous post I live in a part of the world where there isn't a lot of Christian women especially in my denomination.
And it's not a fantasy. Every thing about her who I didn't meet on any Chat-rooms or dating sites is what she has said in her blog and what I've seen online - I know what she looks like. She hasn't hidden anything and there are people who know her that can tell me more about her. I know people that know her personally so I can ask them. I just wanted to know what people think - it's not that urgent. I'm not losing sleep over this girl or something. She is not consuming my thought life.
If you read the post that Gina B responded to which is above Ivanette's post than you'll see what my relationship is to her. It's much more spiritual than you think and not about being emotionally fulfilled.
And it's more than likely that she will stay single statistically speaking. Most men especially IFB would not date a girl like this unless she closes her business which she doesn't plan on doing. Interestingly enough her IFB pastor is fully supportive of what she does but I know a lot of men would not be. It's very unusual for a man to be comfortable with a woman who is strong, independent, her own boss and has a staff that includes a man. That's repulsive to a lot of men and IFB men are no different for the most part. Some of these men probably mean well and are just trying to do what is Biblical - they think that means a woman must work at home when she is married - The Bible doesn't even teach that. It's just tradition.
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Brian, it sounds like your relationship with this gal is a bit distant. Have you met her and talked with her in person, or only via social media? What kind of vibes did/does she give you in your personal communication with her? Does she know of your interest in her as more than merely friends?
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[quote author=brianb]She's a lot more of a match than the women I have met in person.[/quote]
You definitely are putting the cart before the horse. (Coming from someone who with a bit of experience in this area)
[quote author=brianb]If you read the post that Gina B responded to which is above Ivanette's post than you'll see what my relationship is to her. It's much more spiritual than you think and not about being emotionally fulfilled.[/quote]
I hope you mean it's not just about being emotionally fulfilled. :-\
You definitely are putting the cart before the horse. (Coming from someone who with a bit of experience in this area)
[quote author=brianb]If you read the post that Gina B responded to which is above Ivanette's post than you'll see what my relationship is to her. It's much more spiritual than you think and not about being emotionally fulfilled.[/quote]
I hope you mean it's not just about being emotionally fulfilled. :-\
