Here is the way it should be done or otherwise......

[RAIDER]

Recently I had a lady make a comment to me concerning the Christian Womanhood Spectacular and other ladies meetings where FBCH ladies are involved.  This lady has a strong family and is a stay at home mom.  Her husband is a great guy.  They seem to have a great marriage.  Here was her comment, "I have attended many ladies' meetings where FBCH ladies are teaching.  I have attended several Christian Womanhood Spectaculars.  While I did receive some blessings and I did learn a few things, I usually came home feeling like somewhat of a failure as a wife and mother.  I would listen to the women talk about things they would do for their husband and kids.  They would tell how their husband would react when they wrote a certain note or when they said a certain thing.  It wasn't presented as a 'Here is something which with I have had success but it's not the only way'.  Most of the time it came across as, 'If your husband doesn't react like mine than you are doing something wrong".  I would come home feeling like I was a total flop.  I would try to do things just like they did them, but my husband might react a different way."

I felt sorry for this gal.  She said that she went back to doing things that worked for their marriage and her frustration level left.  She felt that the FBCH women presented a "Here is the way it should be done or otherwise..." mentality.  Again, this woman has a strong marriage, a fantastic husband and family and they serve God faithfully.  I was just wondering if anyone else has heard this from any ladies that attended FBCH ladies' meetings?

Let's keep it about the ladies' meetings.

 

[Twisted]

Phoster Club anyone?

If you don't "win souls" like those ladies do, you're a flop.

 

[LongGone]

Recently I had a lady make a comment to me concerning the Christian Womanhood Spectacular and other ladies meetings where FBCH ladies are involved.  This lady has a strong family and is a stay at home mom.  Her husband is a great guy.  They seem to have a great marriage.  Here was her comment, "I have attended many ladies' meetings where FBCH ladies are teaching.  I have attended several Christian Womanhood Spectaculars.  While I did receive some blessings and I did learn a few things, I usually came home feeling like somewhat of a failure as a wife and mother.  I would listen to the women talk about things they would do for their husband and kids.  They would tell how their husband would react when they wrote a certain note or when they said a certain thing.  It wasn't presented as a 'Here is something which with I have had success but it's not the only way'.  Most of the time it came across as, 'If your husband doesn't react like mine than you are doing something wrong".  I would come home feeling like I was a total flop.  I would try to do things just like they did them, but my husband might react a different way."

I felt sorry for this gal.  She said that she went back to doing things that worked for their marriage and her frustration level left.  She felt that the FBCH women presented a "Here is the way it should be done or otherwise..." mentality.  Again, this woman has a strong marriage, a fantastic husband and family and they serve God faithfully.  I was just wondering if anyone else has heard this from any ladies that attended FBCH ladies' meetings?

Let's keep it about the ladies' meetings.

I know you want to keep it to the Ladies Meetings but wasn't that the overall message of FBCH that we are the greatest church since Jerusalem and if you don't do it our way you are not doing it correctly. Why was it God's will for everyone to come to HAC?....so they could learn the correct way.

 

[BALAAM]

Many years ago, before I ever came to hac, we had a pastor who grew up in Ilinois and used to take his youth group to Hammond quite often. When I asked him about hac he said even then that he thought the women were 'brassy'. His exact word. Didn't know what he meant but he explained it like this. Some woman would get up and talk and would tell a story or be introduced like this:

So and so is our speaker today and what a Great Lady! She is here with us today even though she has three kids at home with 103 degree temperatures and she herself is on the verge of being rushed to the hospital, but in her burning desire to be a blessing and to serve the Lord, she is here with us today! What an honor to have Mrs. so and so with us today!

 

[brainisengaged]

Well...you are ringing my bell! The Woman's Spectacular was perhaps the biggest problem for me...unbeknownst to me.  I'm sure that makes no sense but I'll try to explain:

Perhaps the easiest explanation is this: When I would come from Spectacular, I would be full of fresh ideas on how to make my life with my husband perfect like I was told it needed to be. I would try the ideas -- put balloons on the ceiling and around the bed, put post-it notes with affirmations of your husband all over the bathroom mirror -- and my husband thought it was all some of the stupidest stuff he's ever heard of. So I'd be internally in tears, or maybe even externally because this was supposed to be THE VERY KEY TO OUR HAPPINESS AS A COUPLE. And here he was, not 'getting it'. Not 'having the vision' Not 'cooperating'. How very not-spiritual of him!!!

Finally he drummed it in to me that he married ME. And I married HIM. And there is not a single ladies' speaker who is married to him. So there is not a single ladies' speaker that can tell me how to have a relationship with him. Eventually,  I stopped going to Spectacular. I stopped feeling like my wifeliness didn't measure up to The Spectacular Standard. I stopped comparing my self among others...as we all know that is not wise.

I could probably say a lot more about "Spectacular" and how it is really nothing spectacular and actually rather embarrassing. Hardly anything actually Biblical was taught...my big turning point was close to the end, when the Hooker girls were doing a skit and one of them had just lost her husband but was pulling it together in order to save the world by doing stupid skits for Spectacular, and the other sister was playing a dumb fat girl. Full in a fat suit. Guess what? That's really not funny. And in fact it was rather cringe-worthy , as were so many of the attempts at humor. Why do we need skits?????? WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, but the general level of what passed for teaching at Spectacular seemed to assume we were operating at about a 7th grade level. 

Memories. *shudder*

Ok, glad I got that out of my system!

 

[RAIDER]

Well...you are ringing my bell! The Woman's Spectacular was perhaps the biggest problem for me...unbeknownst to me.  I'm sure that makes no sense but I'll try to explain:

Perhaps the easiest explanation is this: When I would come from Spectacular, I would be full of fresh ideas on how to make my life with my husband perfect like I was told it needed to be. I would try the ideas -- put balloons on the ceiling and around the bed, put post-it notes with affirmations of your husband all over the bathroom mirror -- and my husband thought it was all some of the stupidest stuff he's ever heard of. So I'd be internally in tears, or maybe even externally because this was supposed to be [i} THE KEY TO OUR VERY HAPPINESS AS A COUPLE. [/i] And here he was, not 'getting it'. Not 'having the vision' Not 'cooperating'. How very not-spiritual of him!!!

Finally he drummed it in to me that he married ME. And I married HIM. And there is not a single ladies' speaker who is married to him. So there is not a single ladies' speaker that can tell me how to have a relationship with him. Eventually,  I stopped going to Spectacular. I stopped feeling like my wifeliness didn't measure up to The Spectacular Standard. I stopped comparing my self among others...as we all know that is not wise.

I could probably say a lot more about "Spectacular" and how it is really nothing spectacular and actually rather embarrassing. Hardly anything actually Biblical was taught...my big turning point was close to the end, when the Hooker girls were doing a skit and one of them had just lost her husband but was pulling it together in order to save the world by doing stupid skits for Spectacular, and the other sister was playing a dumb fat girl. Full in a fat suit. Guess what? That's really not funny. And in fact it was rather cringe-worthy , as were so many of the attempts at humor. Why do we need skits?????? WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, but the general level of what passed for teaching at Spectacular seemed to assume we were operating at about a 7th grade level. 

Memories. *shudder*

Ok, glad I got that out of my system!

Your feelings are exactly the feelings of the gal to whom I spoke.  Amazing!

 

[16KJV11]

Well...you are ringing my bell! The Woman's Spectacular was perhaps the biggest problem for me...unbeknownst to me.  I'm sure that makes no sense but I'll try to explain:

Perhaps the easiest explanation is this: When I would come from Spectacular, I would be full of fresh ideas on how to make my life with my husband perfect like I was told it needed to be. I would try the ideas -- put balloons on the ceiling and around the bed, put post-it notes with affirmations of your husband all over the bathroom mirror -- and my husband thought it was all some of the stupidest stuff he's ever heard of. So I'd be internally in tears, or maybe even externally because this was supposed to be [i} THE KEY TO OUR VERY HAPPINESS AS A COUPLE. [/i] And here he was, not 'getting it'. Not 'having the vision' Not 'cooperating'. How very not-spiritual of him!!!

Finally he drummed it in to me that he married ME. And I married HIM. And there is not a single ladies' speaker who is married to him. So there is not a single ladies' speaker that can tell me how to have a relationship with him. Eventually,  I stopped going to Spectacular. I stopped feeling like my wifeliness didn't measure up to The Spectacular Standard. I stopped comparing my self among others...as we all know that is not wise.

I could probably say a lot more about "Spectacular" and how it is really nothing spectacular and actually rather embarrassing. Hardly anything actually Biblical was taught...my big turning point was close to the end, when the Hooker girls were doing a skit and one of them had just lost her husband but was pulling it together in order to save the world by doing stupid skits for Spectacular, and the other sister was playing a dumb fat girl. Full in a fat suit. Guess what? That's really not funny. And in fact it was rather cringe-worthy , as were so many of the attempts at humor. Why do we need skits?????? WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, but the general level of what passed for teaching at Spectacular seemed to assume we were operating at about a 7th grade level. 

Memories. *shudder*

Ok, glad I got that out of my system!

Your feelings are exactly the feelings of the gal to whom I spoke.  Amazing!

Now, do these ladies speak these ideas with the attitude: "These are simply 'ideas' you can use to help your marriage or do they come across as "these are things EVERY wife MUST do in order to have a happy marriage"?
A lot of the attitude you walk away with  can be determined by the spirit of the presentation, I would imagine.

 

[RAIDER]

Well...you are ringing my bell! The Woman's Spectacular was perhaps the biggest problem for me...unbeknownst to me.  I'm sure that makes no sense but I'll try to explain:

Perhaps the easiest explanation is this: When I would come from Spectacular, I would be full of fresh ideas on how to make my life with my husband perfect like I was told it needed to be. I would try the ideas -- put balloons on the ceiling and around the bed, put post-it notes with affirmations of your husband all over the bathroom mirror -- and my husband thought it was all some of the stupidest stuff he's ever heard of. So I'd be internally in tears, or maybe even externally because this was supposed to be [i} THE KEY TO OUR VERY HAPPINESS AS A COUPLE. [/i] And here he was, not 'getting it'. Not 'having the vision' Not 'cooperating'. How very not-spiritual of him!!!

Finally he drummed it in to me that he married ME. And I married HIM. And there is not a single ladies' speaker who is married to him. So there is not a single ladies' speaker that can tell me how to have a relationship with him. Eventually,  I stopped going to Spectacular. I stopped feeling like my wifeliness didn't measure up to The Spectacular Standard. I stopped comparing my self among others...as we all know that is not wise.

I could probably say a lot more about "Spectacular" and how it is really nothing spectacular and actually rather embarrassing. Hardly anything actually Biblical was taught...my big turning point was close to the end, when the Hooker girls were doing a skit and one of them had just lost her husband but was pulling it together in order to save the world by doing stupid skits for Spectacular, and the other sister was playing a dumb fat girl. Full in a fat suit. Guess what? That's really not funny. And in fact it was rather cringe-worthy , as were so many of the attempts at humor. Why do we need skits?????? WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, but the general level of what passed for teaching at Spectacular seemed to assume we were operating at about a 7th grade level. 

Memories. *shudder*

Ok, glad I got that out of my system!

Your feelings are exactly the feelings of the gal to whom I spoke.  Amazing!

Now, do these ladies speak these ideas with the attitude: "These are simply 'ideas' you can use to help your marriage or do they come across as "these are things EVERY wife MUST do in order to have a happy marriage"?
A lot of the attitude you walk away with  can be determined by the spirit of the presentation, I would imagine.

According to the gal with whom I spoke it is the attitude of "I have a perfect marriage and my husband reacts to this and this. If you want a great marriage you should be doing the things that I do".  If you read brainisengaged's post you will get the idea.

 

[Walt]

Recently I had a lady make a comment to me concerning the Christian Womanhood Spectacular and other ladies meetings where FBCH ladies are involved.  This lady has a strong family and is a stay at home mom.  Her husband is a great guy.  They seem to have a great marriage.  Here was her comment, "I have attended many ladies' meetings where FBCH ladies are teaching.  I have attended several Christian Womanhood Spectaculars.  While I did receive some blessings and I did learn a few things, I usually came home feeling like somewhat of a failure as a wife and mother.  I would listen to the women talk about things they would do for their husband and kids.  They would tell how their husband would react when they wrote a certain note or when they said a certain thing.  It wasn't presented as a 'Here is something which with I have had success but it's not the only way'.  Most of the time it came across as, 'If your husband doesn't react like mine than you are doing something wrong".  I would come home feeling like I was a total flop.  I would try to do things just like they did them, but my husband might react a different way."

I felt sorry for this gal.  She said that she went back to doing things that worked for their marriage and her frustration level left.  She felt that the FBCH women presented a "Here is the way it should be done or otherwise..." mentality.  Again, this woman has a strong marriage, a fantastic husband and family and they serve God faithfully.  I was just wondering if anyone else has heard this from any ladies that attended FBCH ladies' meetings?

Let's keep it about the ladies' meetings.

I'm not surprised; the ladies teaching at these meetings were a product of FBCH, which was "if it works, it is of God" (pragmatism).  So, "my" way is the "right" way because it worked for me.  It's what Bro Brennan called "philosophizing" and it has been a great thorn in the sides of Fundamental Independent Baptist Churches.

It's hard not to be tainted by pragmatism given the culture we live in.

My wife has also experienced this; she'll go to a "ladies" meeting, and the lady who is presenting will just talk about her life and what she's done that makes other people consider her "successful"; one lady will say that you should always have dinner ready for you husband, but I don't particularly want dinner ready as soon as I walk in the door.  I want to relax for a bit, talk to her, talk to the kids... just wind down a bit so that I don't feel like I'm rushing home to make it to the dinner appointment.

 

[Walt]

Well...you are ringing my bell! The Woman's Spectacular was perhaps the biggest problem for me...unbeknownst to me.  I'm sure that makes no sense but I'll try to explain:

Perhaps the easiest explanation is this: When I would come from Spectacular, I would be full of fresh ideas on how to make my life with my husband perfect like I was told it needed to be. I would try the ideas -- put balloons on the ceiling and around the bed, put post-it notes with affirmations of your husband all over the bathroom mirror -- and my husband thought it was all some of the stupidest stuff he's ever heard of. So I'd be internally in tears, or maybe even externally because this was supposed to be THE VERY KEY TO OUR HAPPINESS AS A COUPLE. And here he was, not 'getting it'. Not 'having the vision' Not 'cooperating'. How very not-spiritual of him!!!

Finally he drummed it in to me that he married ME. And I married HIM. And there is not a single ladies' speaker who is married to him. So there is not a single ladies' speaker that can tell me how to have a relationship with him. Eventually,  I stopped going to Spectacular. I stopped feeling like my wifeliness didn't measure up to The Spectacular Standard. I stopped comparing my self among others...as we all know that is not wise.

I could probably say a lot more about "Spectacular" and how it is really nothing spectacular and actually rather embarrassing. Hardly anything actually Biblical was taught...my big turning point was close to the end, when the Hooker girls were doing a skit and one of them had just lost her husband but was pulling it together in order to save the world by doing stupid skits for Spectacular, and the other sister was playing a dumb fat girl. Full in a fat suit. Guess what? That's really not funny. And in fact it was rather cringe-worthy , as were so many of the attempts at humor. Why do we need skits?????? WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, but the general level of what passed for teaching at Spectacular seemed to assume we were operating at about a 7th grade level. 

Memories. *shudder*

Ok, glad I got that out of my system!

This was a great blessing to read!  Thank you very much for posting it!

I have no idea why "skits" are done at adult meetings; I find them very "cringe-worthy" (great word!)).

Thanks again - have a great day!

 

[Bruh]

Clean house
Sex
Food
Remote for the tv

What else does a man need?
Balloons? No!
Posted notes? No!

Clean house
Sex
Food
Remote for the tv

My wife has never been to a Christian womanhood spectacular she just figured this out on her own.

 

[Jo]

I never did buy in to the Spectaculars.  I also had a hard time buying into the whole philosophy of "there was a woman in the church".  Inevitably, the woman mentioned was a gossip and singlehandedly destroyed the church.  Sheesh, if I knew then what I know now.

A couple of years after I was at HAC,  I learned from a prominent FBCH woman that there was actually quite a bit of physical abuse going on and the wives were the recipients.  I was floored and had been clueless.

A woman could put up all the balloons she wants and write sweet sonnets, but there are marriages and families that are extremely dysfunctional.

Just ask the Hyles' kids.

 

[Phooey-dini]

Well...you are ringing my bell! The Woman's Spectacular was perhaps the biggest problem for me...unbeknownst to me.  I'm sure that makes no sense but I'll try to explain:

Perhaps the easiest explanation is this: When I would come from Spectacular, I would be full of fresh ideas on how to make my life with my husband perfect like I was told it needed to be. I would try the ideas -- put balloons on the ceiling and around the bed, put post-it notes with affirmations of your husband all over the bathroom mirror -- and my husband thought it was all some of the stupidest stuff he's ever heard of. So I'd be internally in tears, or maybe even externally because this was supposed to be THE VERY KEY TO OUR HAPPINESS AS A COUPLE. And here he was, not 'getting it'. Not 'having the vision' Not 'cooperating'. How very not-spiritual of him!!!

Finally he drummed it in to me that he married ME. And I married HIM. And there is not a single ladies' speaker who is married to him. So there is not a single ladies' speaker that can tell me how to have a relationship with him. Eventually,  I stopped going to Spectacular. I stopped feeling like my wifeliness didn't measure up to The Spectacular Standard. I stopped comparing my self among others...as we all know that is not wise.

I could probably say a lot more about "Spectacular" and how it is really nothing spectacular and actually rather embarrassing. Hardly anything actually Biblical was taught...my big turning point was close to the end, when the Hooker girls were doing a skit and one of them had just lost her husband but was pulling it together in order to save the world by doing stupid skits for Spectacular, and the other sister was playing a dumb fat girl. Full in a fat suit. Guess what? That's really not funny. And in fact it was rather cringe-worthy , as were so many of the attempts at humor. Why do we need skits?????? WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, but the general level of what passed for teaching at Spectacular seemed to assume we were operating at about a 7th grade level. 

Memories. *shudder*

Ok, glad I got that out of my system!

Good thoughts. Glad you made it out of there in one piece!

What a complete circus. Though I'd never been to a Spectacular Spectacle (being male), it always seemed completely bizarre and unnecessary. Very much like their other conferences (Pastors' School, Youth Conference). Just a lot of nonsense.

 

[patriotic]

I hate [almost literally] ladies' meetings. 

In the past, I have attended many - from multiple CW Spectaculars to non-FBCH churches, to organizing and even speaking at ladies' meetings, and I still don't like them very much. 

However, I never thought I was a flop from listening to what others did and trying it myself.  I don't know why, but none of that stuff ever affected me.  I will assume it is because of my parents' upbringing that I only need to be as good as or better than myself and that depended upon the Holy Spirit's work in my life, not what people said or did.    I do not remember ever going home from any ladies' meeting anywhere feeling like a flop or failure.    But then, I never purchased many of their books or tapes/CDs either. 

My husband wouldn't even want me to be like anyone else, nor have I ever wanted to be like anyone else.     

That said, the biggest "FIGHT" my husband and I ever had in 3 decades of marriage was about 10 minutes AFTER I walked in the door after returning from CW Spectacular.  Neither of us remember what started it, but he made the statement, "A lot of good going to Spectacular did you!" 

My retort, "If they had a Christian Manhood Spectacular , the whole word would be better!"  Then I said something like , "No, it wouldn't because men are too pig-headed and proud and would never attend it to make themselves better because they're too perfect already!" 

But, really, the fight had nothing to do with Spectacular or anything taught there.  We hadn't even discussed Spectacular yet.  It just was two people who needed to grow up more.  (We had been married maybe 8 years at the time.) 

I have little nuggets of concepts and principles from meetings that I  remember and have tried to practice in my life and marriage, but I never tried to be like any of them.  I am not JoBeth Hooker or Beverly Hyles or any other lady speaker.  I never wanted to be like them. 

I'm not sure why I am different from so many others.  I spent four years there in college, attended PS, CWS, YC and other meetings before, during, and since college, and I never picked up on that. 

I realized that their lives were not perfect as pictured.  I also realized that every marriage is different.  I never felt I had to do it their way in order to have a happy marriage. 

I don't know why I never thought that because so many others obviously did/do, but I never did. 

 

[Twisted]

Neither of us remember what started it, but he made the statement, "A lot of good going to Spectacular did you!" 

My retort, "If they had a Christian Manhood Spectacular , the whole word would be better!"  Then I said something like , "No, it wouldn't because men are too pig-headed and proud and would never attend it to make themselves better because they're too perfect already!" 

Typical woman.

This happened 22 years ago and she remembers every word.

Men, can I get an "Amen"?

 

[patriotic]

Neither of us remember what started it, but he made the statement, "A lot of good going to Spectacular did you!" 

My retort, "If they had a Christian Manhood Spectacular , the whole word would be better!"  Then I said something like , "No, it wouldn't because men are too pig-headed and proud and would never attend it to make themselves better because they're too perfect already!" 

Typical woman.

This happened 22 years ago and she remembers every word.

Men, can I get an "Amen"?

Someone has to remember history correctly.  Men obviously don't.  That's why, when they're telling about some event, you hear, 'Oh, honey, what was that fella's name again?" 

"Which fella, dear?"

"Oh, you know.  Doodle-bum.  What's-his-name?  Drove a Ford pick-up." 

"Henry?"

"Yes, that's him.  Henry!" 

 

[Twisted]

Neither of us remember what started it, but he made the statement, "A lot of good going to Spectacular did you!" 

My retort, "If they had a Christian Manhood Spectacular , the whole word would be better!"  Then I said something like , "No, it wouldn't because men are too pig-headed and proud and would never attend it to make themselves better because they're too perfect already!" 

Typical woman.

This happened 22 years ago and she remembers every word.

Men, can I get an "Amen"?

Someone has to remember history correctly.  Men obviously don't.  That's why, when they're telling about some event, you hear, 'Oh, honey, what was that fella's name again?" 

"Which fella, dear?"

"Oh, you know.  Doodle-bum.  What's-his-name?  Drove a Ford pick-up." 

"Henry?"

"Yes, that's him.  Henry!"

Anybody have a history book written by a woman?

I didn't think so.

 

[RAIDER]

I hate [almost literally] ladies' meetings. 


My husband wouldn't even want me to be like anyone else, nor have I ever wanted to be like anyone else.     

So have you finally given up on trying to be the next CF?

 

[bgwilkinson]

Neither of us remember what started it, but he made the statement, "A lot of good going to Spectacular did you!" 

My retort, "If they had a Christian Manhood Spectacular , the whole word would be better!"  Then I said something like , "No, it wouldn't because men are too pig-headed and proud and would never attend it to make themselves better because they're too perfect already!" 

Typical woman.

This happened 22 years ago and she remembers every word.

Men, can I get an "Amen"?

Someone has to remember history correctly.  Men obviously don't.  That's why, when they're telling about some event, you hear, 'Oh, honey, what was that fella's name again?" 

"Which fella, dear?"

"Oh, you know.  Doodle-bum.  What's-his-name?  Drove a Ford pick-up." 

"Henry?"

"Yes, that's him.  Henry!"

Anybody have a history book written by a woman?

I didn't think so.

I do. In fact, it is an 11 volume set. If you don't have one you should get one.
Women are quite good at history.

Will and Ariel Durant.

https://www.amazon.com/Story-Civilization-11-Set/dp/1567310230/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1503096028&sr=8-3&keywords=Will+and+Ariel+durant

 

[Twisted]

Neither of us remember what started it, but he made the statement, "A lot of good going to Spectacular did you!" 

My retort, "If they had a Christian Manhood Spectacular , the whole word would be better!"  Then I said something like , "No, it wouldn't because men are too pig-headed and proud and would never attend it to make themselves better because they're too perfect already!" 

Typical woman.

This happened 22 years ago and she remembers every word.

Men, can I get an "Amen"?

Someone has to remember history correctly.  Men obviously don't.  That's why, when they're telling about some event, you hear, 'Oh, honey, what was that fella's name again?" 

"Which fella, dear?"

"Oh, you know.  Doodle-bum.  What's-his-name?  Drove a Ford pick-up." 

"Henry?"

"Yes, that's him.  Henry!"

Anybody have a history book written by a woman?

I didn't think so.

I do. In fact, it is an 11 volume set. If you don't have one you should get one.
Women are quite good at history.

Will and Ariel Durant.

https://www.amazon.com/Story-Civilization-11-Set/dp/1567310230/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1503096028&sr=8-3&keywords=Will+and+Ariel+durant

LOL!  I have that set.  Co-authored doesn't count.