An ad in the Sword of the Lord

[Chris Connally]

Our Church gets this weed barrier from time to time so I'll flip through it and see what nonsense is being peddled by the elites of fundamentalism.  As I looked through it this evening I came across an ad for a conference out of Florida at a Berean Bible College (I think that's right) in September. Pope Shelton will be there. Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.  Talk about a treat.  If I had known this I would have skipped John MacArthur in April and saved my cash for a trip to Florida to secure my copy of Jack's ordination certificate.

 

[wheatpenny]

I guess they have to prove he was a "real preacher"... lol

 

[Ransom]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

 

[Agent P]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

 

[Izdaari]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

 

[Reformed Guy]

A woman, in the church, teaching, calling herself a prophetess, and applauding various forms of sexual deviancy and abomination... How much more like a Rev.2 Jezebel could one get?

 

[rsc2a]

A woman, in the church, teaching, calling herself a prophetess, and applauding various forms of sexual deviancy and abomination... How much more like a Rev.2 Jezebel could one get?

Wow....

 

[Eliz553]

A woman, in the church, teaching, calling herself a prophetess, and applauding various forms of sexual deviancy and abomination... How much more like a Rev.2 Jezebel could one get?

Wow....

Ditto.

 

[Chris Connally]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

No Purgatory with a copy, and straight to sainthood to the person who holds the original. This could be an Indiana Jonesesque movie.  We could title it Hammond Schaap and the Search for the Holy Ordination Papers. 

 

[brianb]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

He was ordained by Southern Baptists. Before World War 2 IFB was basically just Regular Baptists (GARBC) and odd but interesting preachers like J Frank Norris.

 

[OZZY]

A woman, in the church, teaching, calling herself a prophetess, and applauding various forms of sexual deviancy and abomination... How much more like a Rev.2 Jezebel could one get?

Like

 

[Izdaari]

A woman, in the church, teaching, calling herself a prophetess, and applauding various forms of sexual deviancy and abomination... How much more like a Rev.2 Jezebel could one get?

Well, thanks, I think. But I don't call myself a prophetess. So far as I am aware, that's a gift I totally do not have.  :-*

 

[Izdaari]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

He was ordained by Southern Baptists. Before World War 2 IFB was basically just Regular Baptists (GARBC) and odd but interesting preachers like J Frank Norris.

Ah, that's alright then, I have no beef with those guys. But boy, they kinda messed up with Hyles!  :

 

[Agent P]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

I was going to ask what TEC was until I figured, "Duh!  The Episcopal Church!"

 

[Agent P]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

I was going to ask what TEC was until I figured, "Duh!  The Episcopal Church!"

And that said, if all goes well in the next week, I will be a member of the incoming fall class at the
United Church of Christ-run Eden Theological Seminary.  You just don't get any more Freebird than
that.

 

[Izdaari]

I was going to ask what TEC was until I figured, "Duh!  The Episcopal Church!"

Right. They use TEC these days, have stopped using ECUSA.

And that said, if all goes well in the next week, I will be a member of the incoming fall class at the
United Church of Christ-run Eden Theological Seminary.  You just don't get any more Freebird than
that.

Very cool, Agent P! I hope all goes well then.  ;D

 

[OZZY]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

I was going to ask what TEC was until I figured, "Duh!  The Episcopal Church!"

And that said, if all goes well in the next week, I will be a member of the incoming fall class at the
United Church of Christ-run Eden Theological Seminary.  You just don't get any more Freebird than
that.

Actually you can, and you seem to be just a step away it's called atheistism

 

[bruinboy]

They would probably draw more people if they gave everyone a picture of  the secretary's blue dress. 

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Anyway, the ad stated among other things that every preacher would receive a Bible signed by all of the speakers and...........drum roll please............a copy of Jack Hyles' ordination certificate.

How many years do you shave off your stay in Baptist Purgatory by kissing a copy of Jack's ordination certificate?

On the other hand, if you're only licensed and possess a working knowledge of Photoshop, you can take said certificate,
Photoshop your own name in there and voila!  You're now ordained by the same council as Jack Hyles!!!!!

Gee, wouldn't that be something? Pastor Izzy, ordained by the Hyles bunch. 

(I likely will actually seek ordination at some point, but probably through either TEC or ELCA.)

I was going to ask what TEC was until I figured, "Duh!  The Episcopal Church!"

And that said, if all goes well in the next week, I will be a member of the incoming fall class at the
United Church of Christ-run Eden Theological Seminary.  You just don't get any more Freebird than
that.

Actually you can, and you seem to be just a step away it's called atheistism

Technically, they aren't atheists, they're apostates....

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

They would probably draw more people if they gave everyone a picture of  the secretary's blue dress.

Or the door hinges....