Top 10 Features of an HAC / FBC Ocean Cruise

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The Top Ten Distingishing Features of an FBC / HAC Cruise
Your Happy-Hacker Cruisers, Jerry & Gwen Kaifetz  (HAC 1985, 1986, 1988)

10.  The pool at the forward part of the ship will be for the men, and the pool on the aft end of the ship will be for the women (Dave Hyles, lifeguard)

9.  Hyles sermons to be shown 24/7 on the outdoor jumbotron.  (4 Hours of daily attendance required.  Elaine Colsten will be in charge of signing in.)

8.  Hair check & dress check required before boarding.  All skirt hems will be taped down in the event of high winds.

7.  The only desserts served will be Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

6.  Free bandaids for ample-breasted women.  (Two per side required on chilly evenings.)

5.  Marital Counseling by Dave Hyles nightly in the captain’s quarters.  (Women only)

4.  All shore excursions will be in church buses and for the purpose of soul winning only.  All converts will be immediately baptized and provided with a box of tithing envelopes written in Spanish.  (Anyone with 25 or more converts will be upgraded to a balcony cabin.  Those with over 50 converts upgraded to a suite.)

3.  All cruisers will be required to purchase 100 “Romans Road in a Bottle” tracts for dissemination throughout the cruise. (Converts introduced in Pastor’s School.)

2. Anyone with over 100 converts gets to sit at the head table with Eddie Lapina, Ray Young, and a paper-mache statue of Jack Hyles.  (Those with no converts have to watch a video of Jack Schaap preaching to his roommate, Bubba,  filmed in prison.)

1.  Anyone jumping overboard during the “Elaine Colsten Gospel Concert” on the first night of the cruise will NOT be picked up until the return trip!
 
I am sure HAC/FBC would not know anything about quality so they would end up on a Carnival cruise!
 
We thought the quality of the cruise was very high.  I have travelled all over Europe, crossing a number of times on luxury liners like the SS United States, The QE 2, and others,  and I would say that the food on the Carnival Freedom was very close to the French 3 or 4 star experience.  The service was incomparable.
 
Carnival cruise lines are second class. Royal Caribbean, Princess or Norwegian out beat Carnival any day. Carnival has proven to have the most problems. They are old boats.
 
We were on a new ship with a recent $20 million renovation, and the accommodations, décor, service, activities, and food was anything but second class.  We may try Royal Carribean next time, but one of their ships docked next to ours (Carnival Freedom) and it clearly appeared to be a less impressive vessel.  In what was would you say they are better?  Carnival has had a well publicized disaster or two.
 
Carnival has had numerous problems. With the renovations I am sure it was nice. I actually went on one recently (can't remember the ship), and the decor was old, food was good, and service ok. I have been on the Royal-the best! Top notch! It was the Freedom of the Seas. So much to do, awesome food, and just a much better atmosphere.  Carnival is the last cruise line to choose and often because it is cheaper to go on. The Allure is pretty good too.
 
Sometimes... Carnival needs a bit of help from a tugboat and my daughter. (Fort Morgan... Mobile Bay)

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Bandaids! Funny stuff right there.  8)
 
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