Son of Dealing with divorce.

[Tarheel Baptist]

I don't understand the hoopla around the issue of divorce.
Every church has a large percentage of divorced/ remarried members.

I think adultery (un repented, serial, etc), abandonment and physical abuse are 'grounds' for divorce and re marriage.
Divorce is not sin, but is always caused by someone's sin.
If someone sins and causes the breakup of his/ her marriage, the sin of that individual should be dealt with...but there are 'innocent' parties in almost every divorce. They should not have to deal with any stigma or consequence of their partner's sin. Period.

In our ministry, a divorced person can do anything a non divorced person can do, ministry wise....except serve as a Deacon.

I perform marriage ceremonies for divorced people, based on each individual circumstance. There are many Pastors in our area who won't marry divorcees, but they have referred them to me. I have never understood the reasoning behind that.

Where am I missing the point, Biblically?
Do you or your Pastor have similar beliefs and practices?
If not, where do we differ?

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Had a couple from another church contact me this week about performing their ceremony. Their Pastor suggested they contact me...he doesn't marry divorced people.
Why not? I assume its because he feels that constitutes adultery.
But I also assume that if I marry them, they return to his church and continue singing in the choir, giving etc.
Now, why would he/they allow those in adultery to sing, teach, give, etc....?

Does that only happen down here in the Bible Belt or is this commonplace?
Frustrates me to no end.....

 

[Castor Muscular]

Now, why would he/they allow those in adultery to sing, teach, give, etc....?

At least a couple people here think it's only a one-time adultery, after which everything is legit.  If that pastor agrees, then to him, it's not adultery anymore by the time they start going to his church. 

Makes no sense to me, but whatever. 

 

[raised2walk]

....except serve as a Deacon.

Why?

 

[Castor Muscular]

....except serve as a Deacon.

Why?

Because it is better to have a philanderer who has never been divorced as deacon than a faithful one-woman-man who has been divorced. 

EDIT:  Or, to put it another way, better to have Bill Clinton as deacon than Charles Stanley.

 

[raised2walk]

....except serve as a Deacon.

Why?

Because it is better to have a philanderer who has never been divorced as deacon than a faithful one-woman-man who has been divorced. 

EDIT:  Or, to put it another way, better to have Bill Clinton as deacon than Charles Stanley.

*snif*

 

[FreeToBeMe]

Because it is better to have a philanderer who has never been divorced as deacon or pastor than a faithful one-woman-man who has been divorced. 

Fixed

 

[Castor Muscular]

Because it is better to have a philanderer who has never been divorced as deacon or pastor than a faithful one-woman-man who has been divorced. 

Fixed

Bill:  "Jesus is Lord?  Well, ah, that depends on what the meaning of "is" is."

 

[raised2walk]

 

[JustABigKid]

I don't understand the hoopla around the issue of divorce.
Every church has a large percentage of divorced/ remarried members.

I think adultery (un repented, serial, etc), abandonment and physical abuse are 'grounds' for divorce and re marriage.
Divorce is not sin, but is always caused by someone's sin.
If someone sins and causes the breakup of his/ her marriage, the sin of that individual should be dealt with...but there are 'innocent' parties in almost every divorce. They should not have to deal with any stigma or consequence of their partner's sin. Period.

In our ministry, a divorced person can do anything a non divorced person can do, ministry wise....except serve as a Deacon.

I perform marriage ceremonies for divorced people, based on each individual circumstance. There are many Pastors in our area who won't marry divorcees, but they have referred them to me. I have never understood the reasoning behind that.

Where am I missing the point, Biblically?
Do you or your Pastor have similar beliefs and practices?
If not, where do we differ?

Personally I believe the biggest problem with divorce is the mess that it leaves the kids in. They are torn between continuing to love both their parents while their parents hate each other in some instances. Then we a parent gets remarred especially if the child is living with that parent full time it becomes difficult.

As far as serving in the church the only place the Bible gives in my opinin is that they can't be a pastor or a deacon. Other than that who cares. I know some have an issue with a divorced man preaching but in my opinion he may have some good advice that will keep others from making the same mistakes he did.

Also personally I believe the only allowable reason for divorce that God gives is Adultery. Now at the same time the sticky situation of abuse comes into play. I dont believe that a woman should have to stay with a man that abuses her period. I guess for me if I am looking at someone who is divorced the main question is why. If it is because of Adultery than God has already covered it. If it is just simply you dont like them anymore then maybe you just need to get some counseling and fall in love again.

If someone wants to get re-married and their first spouse is unrepentant of their sin whatever it may be that caused the divorce in the first place then they are free of the vow that they took. Now I don't think they should have a huge ceremony like the first and make a big deal about it. It should be the two of them, the pastor, and a few friends or family as witnesses.

IMHO

 

[subllibrm]

The GARBC church I attend used to recommend the divorced folk go see the Methodist minister for their remarriage. After that they were more than welcome.

I am glad to report that we have shed ourselves of that stupidity.

As to deacons, we currently have two serving who have been divorced. One where it occurred BC and the other who was abandoned by his wandering wife. Two of the most ardent Jesus followers in our fellowship. Those who have received grace are often the most gracious. Those who have been forgiven the most are often the most thankful for the forgiveness. These fellows both bear out this truism.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

....except serve as a Deacon.

Why?

Because it is better to have a philanderer who has never been divorced as deacon than a faithful one-woman-man who has been divorced. 

EDIT:  Or, to put it another way, better to have Bill Clinton as deacon than Charles Stanley.

So, if we choose not to have divorced deacons, our only other option is philanderers?
Speaking only for our local assembly, our deacons fit neither category. 

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

The GARBC church I attend used to recommend the divorced folk go see the Methodist minister for their remarriage. After that they were more than welcome.

I am glad to report that we have shed ourselves of that stupidity.

As to deacons, we currently have two serving who have been divorced. One where it occurred BC and the other who was abandoned by his wandering wife. Two of the most ardent Jesus followers in our fellowship. Those who have received grace are often the most gracious. Those who have been forgiven the most are often the most thankful for the forgiveness. These fellows both bear out this truism.

I would not dogmatically claim that the qualifications given for deacon disqualify those who have been divorced, although that would be a disqualification if his sin contributed to the divorce, or if the circumstances of the divorce bring reproach on him. 
As you probably already know, the Greek text actually reads, "Let deacons be one-woman men." Having one wife does not necessarily reflect one's character, but being single-mindedly devoted to one's wife does.
Another characteristic of a deacon's spiritual life is that he leads his family well. Deacons are to be "good managers of their children and their own households".

The original by laws of our congregation interpreted these verses as disqualifying divorced men.
That hasn't changed, but I do not quibble with those who think differently.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

One side of the divorce issue is how the church treats or in some cases mistreats divorced people.
Another side I have experienced is that some divorced people seem to have a 'chip' on their shoulders, in that they are super sensitive to any perceived affront on their 'divorce-ness'.

Divorce IS NOT an issue in our church, it is seldom if ever mentioned outside an exposition of scripture.
The chairman of our Finance Committee is divorced.
Over half of our teachers are divorced.
My mother is divorced.
One of my daughters is divorced.

I have married many, many divorced people so they could go back to their Pastors and churches who would not sanction their marriage.....

 

[rsc2a]

Of course, then you have the church I attended as a child (which my family still attends)...

...they pressured the youth pastor to step down because he married a woman who had been divorced. He, personally, had never been married before.  :-\

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Of course, then you have the church I attended as a child (which my family still attends)...

...they pressured the youth pastor to step down because he married a woman who had been divorced. He, personally, had never been married before.  :-\

I don't understand that mentality...but some here don't understand mine either....

 

[rsc2a]

Of course, then you have the church I attended as a child (which my family still attends)...

...they pressured the youth pastor to step down because he married a woman who had been divorced. He, personally, had never been married before.  :-\

I don't understand that mentality...but some here don't understand mine either....

I just told my parents that the way the church handled the situation clearly taught the youth in the church that single parents are not marriage material...which is a terribly sad thing to teach.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Of course, then you have the church I attended as a child (which my family still attends)...

...they pressured the youth pastor to step down because he married a woman who had been divorced. He, personally, had never been married before.  :-\

I don't understand that mentality...but some here don't understand mine either....

I just told my parents that the way the church handled the situation clearly taught the youth in the church that single parents are not marriage material...which is a terribly sad thing to teach.

And, that kind of attitude is probably why some divorced people carry a chip on their shoulders.
My daughter is a struggling, single mother and, like other single parents, needs help and encouragement.
And church should be the place to go for that....

 

[rsc2a]

Of course, then you have the church I attended as a child (which my family still attends)...

...they pressured the youth pastor to step down because he married a woman who had been divorced. He, personally, had never been married before.  :-\

I don't understand that mentality...but some here don't understand mine either....

I just told my parents that the way the church handled the situation clearly taught the youth in the church that single parents are not marriage material...which is a terribly sad thing to teach.

And, that kind of attitude is probably why some divorced people carry a chip on their shoulders.
My daughter is a struggling, single mother and, like other single parents, needs help and encouragement.
And church should be the place to go for that....

Absolutely.

 

[Just John]

Of course, then you have the church I attended as a child (which my family still attends)...

...they pressured the youth pastor to step down because he married a woman who had been divorced. He, personally, had never been married before.  :-\

I don't understand that mentality...but some here don't understand mine either....

I just told my parents that the way the church handled the situation clearly taught the youth in the church that single parents are not marriage material...which is a terribly sad thing to teach.

And, that kind of attitude is probably why some divorced people carry a chip on their shoulders.
My daughter is a struggling, single mother and, like other single parents, needs help and encouragement.
And church should be the place to go for that....

Amen!!!