Reaching Out to Hurting IFBx Victims

[Timothy]

What is the best way to reach out to old friends and people you knew from your old IFBx Church? Should you keep quiet, or share your new found freedom?

The reason I ask is because the other day I sent out a email to friends and family with updated pictures of my family. One friend from our old Church emailed back and we started a conversation and I mistakenly said the old Church was "cult like" ... I now see that perhaps that was too strong a term to use for this lady. She admits things are not what they should be, but she seems devoted to her Pastor and Church.

I responded back that my intent wasn't to hurt, but to share my pain and concern inside for old friends still attending a Church that has controlling leadership. I shared that as each day passes I see clearer and clearer just how harmful the Church was. I want to see others free!

So, what is best? Just pray for them or open up and share the truth?

 

[Izdaari]

I don't really know what I'd do in that situation. I have no personal experience with it, never having been IFB at all. But my thought would be, share what you know with those who will listen, being diplomatic about it.

 

[FSSL]

My conversations with them usually begin with... I want a medium sized #1 meal...

 

[jimmudcatgrant]

What is the best way to reach out to old friends and people you knew from your old IFBx Church? Should you keep quiet, or share your new found freedom?

The reason I ask is because the other day I sent out a email to friends and family with updated pictures of my family. One friend from our old Church emailed back and we started a conversation and I mistakenly said the old Church was "cult like" ... I now see that perhaps that was too strong a term to use for this lady. She admits things are not what they should be, but she seems devoted to her Pastor and Church.

I responded back that my intent wasn't to hurt, but to share my pain and concern inside for old friends still attending a Church that has controlling leadership. I shared that as each day passes I see clearer and clearer just how harmful the Church was. I want to see others free!

So, what is best? Just pray for them or open up and share the truth?

Quit being prejudiced.  You didn't title your op, "Reaching Out to Hurting Church Victims", but "Reaching Out to Hurting IFBx Victims." 
That tells me right there you have a problem with IFB churches.  You went on to prove that by calling your former church, which you joined at some point, btw, a cult.  Now I don't know the circumstances, nor why you are so prejudiced, but you might try a little tact, and a less condescending attitude.  There are good IFB churches and bad ones, just like there are good and bad non-IFB churches. 

 

[The Glory Land]

What is the best way to reach out to old friends and people you knew from your old IFBx Church? Should you keep quiet, or share your new found freedom?

The reason I ask is because the other day I sent out a email to friends and family with updated pictures of my family. One friend from our old Church emailed back and we started a conversation and I mistakenly said the old Church was "cult like" ... I now see that perhaps that was too strong a term to use for this lady. She admits things are not what they should be, but she seems devoted to her Pastor and Church.

I responded back that my intent wasn't to hurt, but to share my pain and concern inside for old friends still attending a Church that has controlling leadership. I shared that as each day passes I see clearer and clearer just how wharmful the Church was. I want to see others free!

So, what is best? Just pray for them or open up and share the truth?

Sounds like you're looking for a perfect church.  Let me know when you find it. You be looking again soon, after you find them ruling there?

 

[Miller]

What is the best way to reach out to old friends and people you knew from your old IFBx Church? Should you keep quiet, or share your new found freedom?

The reason I ask is because the other day I sent out a email to friends and family with updated pictures of my family. One friend from our old Church emailed back and we started a conversation and I mistakenly said the old Church was "cult like" ... I now see that perhaps that was too strong a term to use for this lady. She admits things are not what they should be, but she seems devoted to her Pastor and Church.

I responded back that my intent wasn't to hurt, but to share my pain and concern inside for old friends still attending a Church that has controlling leadership. I shared that as each day passes I see clearer and clearer just how harmful the Church was. I want to see others free!

So, what is best? Just pray for them or open up and share the truth?

Quit being prejudiced.  You didn't title your op, "Reaching Out to Hurting Church Victims", but "Reaching Out to Hurting IFBx Victims." 
That tells me right there you have a problem with IFB churches.  You went on to prove that by calling your former church, which you joined at some point, btw, a cult.  Now I don't know the circumstances, nor why you are so prejudiced, but you might try a little tact, and a less condescending attitude.  There are good IFB churches and bad ones, just like there are good and bad non-IFB churches.

Jim,

He did specify by saying IFBx, and not IFB. He did not lump all IFB together. Those who defend IFB accuse those who no longer support it of lumping all IFB together, then when one does mention the difference, that is still not good enough?  I do agree with your statements about not being condescending and having a bit of tact, though.

 

[Miller]

Timothy,

You cannot attack someone's church. Whether you are witnessing to a Catholic or a Mormon or are expressing your new found freedom to a member of an IFBx church, if you attack, they will get defensive. In the case of the Catholic or the Mormon it is best to focus on the truth of the Gospel. In the case of the IFBx person you are concerned about, you need to let God open their eyes.

When I was IFBx, I would have defended it to the hilt. If you read my older posts on the other forum, you will find that I did just that when it was attacked. Only God was able to convince me of the awfulness of that system. Not until He opened my eyes was I ready to see it. I think the best approach in this case is to love the person, and let them see the difference in your life. If it is genuine, then they will see it and may even ask questions. If they do, then that opens the door to let them know the difference that God's grace has made to you. Even at this point you need to focus on the richness of God's grace without mentioning the poverty of and attacking the IFBx system.

 

[brianb]

You can pray for the pastor and tell them that you are praying for the pastor. I know that is very easy to view the pastor in this situation as the devil incarnate but he's a human being just like us. Basically just do what Jesus would do in this situation.

 

[Timothy]

What is the best way to reach out to old friends and people you knew from your old IFBx Church? Should you keep quiet, or share your new found freedom?

The reason I ask is because the other day I sent out a email to friends and family with updated pictures of my family. One friend from our old Church emailed back and we started a conversation and I mistakenly said the old Church was "cult like" ... I now see that perhaps that was too strong a term to use for this lady. She admits things are not what they should be, but she seems devoted to her Pastor and Church.

I responded back that my intent wasn't to hurt, but to share my pain and concern inside for old friends still attending a Church that has controlling leadership. I shared that as each day passes I see clearer and clearer just how harmful the Church was. I want to see others free!

So, what is best? Just pray for them or open up and share the truth?

Quit being prejudiced.  You didn't title your op, "Reaching Out to Hurting Church Victims", but "Reaching Out to Hurting IFBx Victims." 
That tells me right there you have a problem with IFB churches.  You went on to prove that by calling your former church, which you joined at some point, btw, a cult.  Now I don't know the circumstances, nor why you are so prejudiced, but you might try a little tact, and a less condescending attitude.  There are good IFB churches and bad ones, just like there are good and bad non-IFB churches.

My wife and I talked about this last night. I totally agree that calling the Church "cult-like" was over the top. I have learned from this experience. I have no problem with a good IFB Church. My current Church fellowships with IFB Churches and supports IFB missionaries. They also support non-IFB missionaries and non-IFB Churches. They understand grace, growth, love, and freedom in Christ. They don't demand, they love.

Let me share something with you. At our old Church I helped collect the offering one Sunday to help the guys out. The pastor told the head usher that this should have never happened, basically he reprimanded him. The users must be trained, and they must do their job a certain way, live a certain way. They must dress a certain way. ... At our new Church the men collect the offering in polo shirts, and it isn't a position of pride. It angers me that one can't even collect the offering at our old Church unless 'approve' by leadership. This is a snapshot. Let us not forget my wife being told to nurse our baby in the bathroom stall and not the nursery. Or, "our Church" is the only good one around here.

I love everyone. I really do. But, it also angers me how people defend and accept legalism. I hate to see families destroyed by legalism, children rebelling under it's authority, and the truth of scripture ignored because of legalistic rules.

 

[The Glory Land]

What is the best way to reach out to old friends and people you knew from your old IFBx Church? Should you keep quiet, or share your new found freedom?

The reason I ask is because the other day I sent out a email to friends and family with updated pictures of my family. One friend from our old Church emailed back and we started a conversation and I mistakenly said the old Church was "cult like" ... I now see that perhaps that was too strong a term to use for this lady. She admits things are not what they should be, but she seems devoted to her Pastor and Church.

I responded back that my intent wasn't to hurt, but to share my pain and concern inside for old friends still attending a Church that has controlling leadership. I shared that as each day passes I see clearer and clearer just how harmful the Church was. I want to see others free!

So, what is best? Just pray for them or open up and share the truth?

Quit being prejudiced.  You didn't title your op, "Reaching Out to Hurting Church Victims", but "Reaching Out to Hurting IFBx Victims." 
That tells me right there you have a problem with IFB churches.  You went on to prove that by calling your former church, which you joined at some point, btw, a cult.  Now I don't know the circumstances, nor why you are so prejudiced, but you might try a little tact, and a less condescending attitude.  There are good IFB churches and bad ones, just like there are good and bad non-IFB churches.

My wife and I talked about this last night. I totally agree that calling the Church "cult-like" was over the top. I have learned from this experience. I have no problem with a good IFB Church. My current Church fellowships with IFB Churches and supports IFB missionaries. They also support non-IFB missionaries and non-IFB Churches. They understand grace, growth, love, and freedom in Christ. They don't demand, they love.

Let me share something with you. At our old Church I helped collect the offering one Sunday to help the guys out. The pastor told the head usher that this should have never happened, basically he reprimanded him. The users must be trained, and they must do their job a certain way, live a certain way. They must dress a certain way. ... At our new Church the men collect the offering in polo shirts, and it isn't a position of pride. It angers me that one can't even collect the offering at our old Church unless 'approve' by leadership. This is a snapshot. Let us not forget my wife being told to nurse our baby in the bathroom stall and not the nursery. Or, "our Church" is the only good one around here.

I love everyone. I really do. But, it also angers me how people defend and accept legalism. I hate to see families destroyed by legalism, children rebelling under it's authority, and the truth of scripture ignored because of legalistic rules.

You can pick up the offering in my church, but your pants cannot have any pockets..... ;D