Granny!!

[Winston]

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.

So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.

Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."

 

[Miller]

A man went to the pet store to buy a parrot. Upon arriving he saw a beautiful one and he asked the store owner if he was sure it could talk. The owner assured the man that the parrot could indeed talk. After purchasing the parrot and getting it home the man discovered that not only could the parrot talk, but that it had been owned by a sailor and it had the vocabulary to prove it.

The man had spent a lot of money for this parrot and he tried everything he could think of to cure it of its cursing. One day the man tried to talk to the bird and it let out with a blue streak. Finally having all that he could stand, the man placed the bird into the freezer. After thirty minutes, the man had a change of heart and took the hapless bird out of the freezer and asked it if it had learned its lesson. Shivering the bird replied, "y-y-y-y-y-yes, I learned m-m-m-m-m-my l-l-l-l-l-lesson. I will never c-c-c-c-c-c-c-curse again." Of course the man was thrilled. '

After warming up, the bird began talking again. "I just have one question. What did the turkey ever do to make you so angry?"