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admin
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Is courtship a popular thing in your church? What do you think about this fairly new fad from the 1990s?
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You mean Kiss Dating Good-bye (as in the book by Joshua Harris)?
Not my cup of tea. I'm sure it is good for others but we don't go that route with our kids. We allow the dating scene (and yes, my daughter is allowed to date her boyfriend without a chaperone). We've taught them traits to look for in a spouse and have done our best to teach our values and model what a marriage should be like.
Jury's not out yet but so far, so good.
Not my cup of tea. I'm sure it is good for others but we don't go that route with our kids. We allow the dating scene (and yes, my daughter is allowed to date her boyfriend without a chaperone). We've taught them traits to look for in a spouse and have done our best to teach our values and model what a marriage should be like.
Jury's not out yet but so far, so good.
G
graceandtruth
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Courtship/Dating is nothing more than a personal preference. I think that if everyone were honest they would have to admit that they practice aspects of both and it varies depending on the individuals involved. IMHO this is not a doctrinal issue at all.
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admin said:
After I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I though it interesting that it never really slammed the door on dating. It's more (rightly) about an attitude check, than a specific courtship practice.
Courtship per se apparently worked out OK for Harris, though. Good for him. As a 40-something single man, the last thing I will be doing is seeking the hand of a young woman under the close supervision of her father.
graceandtruth said:
The world doesn't necessarily define dating the way we define it or the way it used to be defined. Speed dating for example is just interviewing - there's nothing romantic or any real fun involved yet it's still called dating. Jerry Seinfeld once compared dating to a job interview.
T
Torrent v.3
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admin said:
It is not big. Even though our church kind of well known, and associated with some who are big on courtship, it is not talked about here. When the pastor talks about singles, he uses the word date, not court.
Courtship Of Eddie s Father Opening Theme
The best part was when Eddie made his dad angry. Oh wait that was another show.
The best part was when Eddie made his dad angry. Oh wait that was another show.
This blog was written by a man who fell in love with and became engaged to a woman who was subject to her father's courtship beliefs. Oh, the hoops her father made him jump through! She was severely impacted by this system and was left without enough confidence to pursue the life she wanted.
http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/p/joke-was-on-me.html
Many strong adherents of courtship raise girls to be unable to function on their own. They are never allowed to make major decisions about their own lives. Their future has already been planned out by their parents. In many cases the parents will not even allow their daughter to go away to college, because they will not be able to control her interactions with men. So nix any career options too. It is a horrible thing.
Just gotta link the 423 count SFL Pre-Courtship Questionnaire to this thread for the sake of posterity:
http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2013/06/the-pre-courtship-questionnaire/
http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/p/joke-was-on-me.html
Many strong adherents of courtship raise girls to be unable to function on their own. They are never allowed to make major decisions about their own lives. Their future has already been planned out by their parents. In many cases the parents will not even allow their daughter to go away to college, because they will not be able to control her interactions with men. So nix any career options too. It is a horrible thing.
Just gotta link the 423 count SFL Pre-Courtship Questionnaire to this thread for the sake of posterity:
http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2013/06/the-pre-courtship-questionnaire/
This poor IFBx girl was advised by her father that she was engaged to be married when she was 15 years old. Her opinion was not asked, and she was really not given a choice. The boy was put in the same situation.
http://arrangedbygod.com/about/
http://arrangedbygod.com/about/
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One step worse:
The teenager is not allowed to develop any "infatuation" with a member of the opposite gender until they graduate from high school. "Liking" a member of the opposite gender is dangerous and will lead to promiscuity and a lack of devotion to the parent -or- rebellion. This is due to the parent's understanding that all teenagers are immature and unable to control the desires such infatuation presents. Hence, if discovered, such infatuation will be met with discipline and the removal from the other person as much as possible.
Next, when the teen graduates from high school, the parent will choose who their teenager will date and if they should marry that individual. Once the parent makes such determination, the parent supplies funding and opportunity for their teen to woo the decided individual. Parents become heavily involved in the wooing process and will have conversations with the other parents to sell them on the idea of the bond.
Can you see future problems in marriage from this system?
The teenager is not allowed to develop any "infatuation" with a member of the opposite gender until they graduate from high school. "Liking" a member of the opposite gender is dangerous and will lead to promiscuity and a lack of devotion to the parent -or- rebellion. This is due to the parent's understanding that all teenagers are immature and unable to control the desires such infatuation presents. Hence, if discovered, such infatuation will be met with discipline and the removal from the other person as much as possible.
Next, when the teen graduates from high school, the parent will choose who their teenager will date and if they should marry that individual. Once the parent makes such determination, the parent supplies funding and opportunity for their teen to woo the decided individual. Parents become heavily involved in the wooing process and will have conversations with the other parents to sell them on the idea of the bond.
Can you see future problems in marriage from this system?
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Dating = Divorce Training
Courtship = Commitment Training
It isn't hard to see which more closely promotes a Biblical idea of marriage.
That isn't to say that everyone who has practiced/promoted courtship has always gotten it right. I'm sure that our resident free-birds can dredge up an extreme example to blow a gasket over.
(But I see some already have....)
Courtship = Commitment Training
It isn't hard to see which more closely promotes a Biblical idea of marriage.
That isn't to say that everyone who has practiced/promoted courtship has always gotten it right. I'm sure that our resident free-birds can dredge up an extreme example to blow a gasket over.
(But I see some already have....)
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Reformed Guy said:
Reformed Guy = Reductionism Training
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I learned from a very good man that you should date/court with a purpose. When dating/courting it should be only because you really truly are considering that the person is God's will for your life. Now that does not mean you get one choice and you are done. I know there are situations that come up or a characteristic that you never saw before and someone might end up calling it off. But I think the reason so many people dislike dating is because it is treated in the same way you buy shoes. Every other week you got a different person that you say you are dating.
I did not want to do this but I wanted to have a way to get to know someone before I dated/courted them. My personal solution was to not date a girl until I had know her for at least 1 year. This is not something that my parents told me to do nor was it something that the church forced on us. It was something I chose because I felt it would be a good way to see what a girl was like when they weren't trying to "impress" me cause we were dating/courting.
I would hang out with groups of people to include ladies we would go to ball games, go out to eat, hang around the school and play board games and such. I would ask a girl to every banquet just because I thought they deserved to be asked. I made several life long friends this way both guys and gals.
Now to how I met my wife. My wife came to college after I had been in school for a year. Just as I had been doing we hung out in the same group and all. After her being there for a little over a year I started to talked to her in a more serious one on one way. I had seen her love for God, I had seen how hard a worker she was, I had seen how much fun she liked to have. So I finally decided after prayer that this is who God wants me to marry. I asked her dad for his blessing to court her. We courted for about 6 months or so and I then asked her dad for his blessing to marry her (I have always felt this is appropriate as he would be the one giving her away at the altar). She said yes and about 5 months later we were married.
Now I am not going to say that everything has been roses. Its not going to be when a man and woman live together, but what I can say is that I have grown to love her more today than I did when we were married, even with the hard times.
Now back to the idea of parents picking. My mom (again we were in an IFBx church) had someone picked out for me that she liked. I personally couldnt stand the girl. I very kindly told my mom thanks but no thanks. I am not dating, courting, or marrying that girl. This of course did not make my mom very happy, but eventually she got over it. I can guarantee that if I would have let my mom pick who I was going to marry I would currently either be divorced or extrememly dissatisfied in my marriage.
Thankfully I listened to God and made a decision based on his leading and I am extremely happy with my wife. She is my best friend, my helper, my better half, she completes me, and she is a major part in helping me with the things that God has called us to do. I couldnt 1/4 of what I do without her.
So I cant speak for everyone but this is how it worked for me. If I could advise a teenager or young adult it would be to simply be careful. Don't be so quick to say you have a bf/gf that you lose out on the joy of being young and all that goes with it. I had friends who every week had a different bf/gf while in HS and even college. You never knew who they were dating this week or why they broke it off last week. They were always so worried about having a bf/gf that they didnt have any fun.
That is just my take.
Thanks
I did not want to do this but I wanted to have a way to get to know someone before I dated/courted them. My personal solution was to not date a girl until I had know her for at least 1 year. This is not something that my parents told me to do nor was it something that the church forced on us. It was something I chose because I felt it would be a good way to see what a girl was like when they weren't trying to "impress" me cause we were dating/courting.
I would hang out with groups of people to include ladies we would go to ball games, go out to eat, hang around the school and play board games and such. I would ask a girl to every banquet just because I thought they deserved to be asked. I made several life long friends this way both guys and gals.
Now to how I met my wife. My wife came to college after I had been in school for a year. Just as I had been doing we hung out in the same group and all. After her being there for a little over a year I started to talked to her in a more serious one on one way. I had seen her love for God, I had seen how hard a worker she was, I had seen how much fun she liked to have. So I finally decided after prayer that this is who God wants me to marry. I asked her dad for his blessing to court her. We courted for about 6 months or so and I then asked her dad for his blessing to marry her (I have always felt this is appropriate as he would be the one giving her away at the altar). She said yes and about 5 months later we were married.
Now I am not going to say that everything has been roses. Its not going to be when a man and woman live together, but what I can say is that I have grown to love her more today than I did when we were married, even with the hard times.
Now back to the idea of parents picking. My mom (again we were in an IFBx church) had someone picked out for me that she liked. I personally couldnt stand the girl. I very kindly told my mom thanks but no thanks. I am not dating, courting, or marrying that girl. This of course did not make my mom very happy, but eventually she got over it. I can guarantee that if I would have let my mom pick who I was going to marry I would currently either be divorced or extrememly dissatisfied in my marriage.
Thankfully I listened to God and made a decision based on his leading and I am extremely happy with my wife. She is my best friend, my helper, my better half, she completes me, and she is a major part in helping me with the things that God has called us to do. I couldnt 1/4 of what I do without her.
So I cant speak for everyone but this is how it worked for me. If I could advise a teenager or young adult it would be to simply be careful. Don't be so quick to say you have a bf/gf that you lose out on the joy of being young and all that goes with it. I had friends who every week had a different bf/gf while in HS and even college. You never knew who they were dating this week or why they broke it off last week. They were always so worried about having a bf/gf that they didnt have any fun.
That is just my take.
Thanks