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The word "bitterness" has been tossed around this forum a time or two in conjunction with some of those (us) who have been dissatisfied with the things of Hammond. I don't think it has recently been used as a label, per se, but rather as descriptive of a result of negativity.
Here is how I look at it. Bitterness is hard to identify in one's self, much less in somebody else. And when it can be identified, it is a result and not a cause. It has been my experience and observation that bitterness comes from feelings of hurt and results in resentment and sometimes regret for having been in that given situation. It could be caused by depression. It could be caused by fatigue. It could even be caused by compassion, seeing others walk in the path that the "bitter one" once tread. The idea of "just don't be bitter" is not a simple solution as it is an issue that can continue to pop up in one's life based on simple triggers.
Some people have the ability to compartmentalize their emotions and feelings. This is a generality of males whereas there is a generality where females tend to tie all their emotions and feelings into a single setting. Like the book title below, men tend to be like waffles and women tend to be like spaghetti. Again, that is a generality and not true in all cases.
There is nothing wrong with either scenario whether or not one fits the stereotype. Regardless, in the case of "spaghetti", bitterness can weave itself through various emotions and feelings. Even in the "waffle" case, it can leak from one box to another.
I am a bitter person because of situations in my childhood, some told, some not. For me, bitterness is like an addiction; a trigger gives me cravings to grab it, hold onto it, pet it, play with it and let it begin to grow again. I do not harbor the bitterness but the origin (hurt) is ever present in my psyche so it can spring from that hurt.
After being diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago, I had successful surgery but in the process, it really messed up my hormonal system. My body doesn't produce the correct hormones that most men produce. This brought on clinical depression. I began to go to counseling and my psychologist worked with my physician to prescribe AND monitor medications which helped align my brain. (Was completely off the meds within a couple of months.) The year of counseling ended up going way past my cancer and into my past when these hurts were identified and the root of my bitterness was found. My shrink gave me the solution to deal with it: extending forgiveness.
It took much prayer and will on my part to forgive the people who hurt me. I made a mental list of people and one by one, mentally looked them in the eye (some are dead, jail, unaccounted for or out of state) and told them what they did to me, how I felt about it and then told them (in my head) that I forgive them. I then prayed for them and for myself to continue to forgive.
Have I conquered bitterness? Nope, but I am pretty confident that it no longer controls me. I have forgiven each and every person (that I can recall) that I needed to. I still acknowledge what happened and can even be passionate at times, perhaps emotional, but when I am able to detect bitterness, I choose to forgive each one yet again. That is no simple task for sure and there are times I don't want to do it.
For those who can compartmentalize and put the hurts into a waffle box, kudos for not bringing it back out and affecting your life. For those whose hurt has been weaved into your life like a plateful of spaghetti, please consider extending forgiveness. There is a reason Jesus said that we should forgive the same offense 70 times 7: because the offense happened and can never be taken away. But in being offended, we are put in a position of great opportunity to behave like Jesus and forgive. Forgiveness will not remove the memories, the scars, the pain and perhaps forgiveness might mean NOT facing the offending person (trigger), but forgiveness can be the vice of continual bitterness.
I just pray that I can continue to live up to what I just said.
Here is how I look at it. Bitterness is hard to identify in one's self, much less in somebody else. And when it can be identified, it is a result and not a cause. It has been my experience and observation that bitterness comes from feelings of hurt and results in resentment and sometimes regret for having been in that given situation. It could be caused by depression. It could be caused by fatigue. It could even be caused by compassion, seeing others walk in the path that the "bitter one" once tread. The idea of "just don't be bitter" is not a simple solution as it is an issue that can continue to pop up in one's life based on simple triggers.
Some people have the ability to compartmentalize their emotions and feelings. This is a generality of males whereas there is a generality where females tend to tie all their emotions and feelings into a single setting. Like the book title below, men tend to be like waffles and women tend to be like spaghetti. Again, that is a generality and not true in all cases.
There is nothing wrong with either scenario whether or not one fits the stereotype. Regardless, in the case of "spaghetti", bitterness can weave itself through various emotions and feelings. Even in the "waffle" case, it can leak from one box to another.
I am a bitter person because of situations in my childhood, some told, some not. For me, bitterness is like an addiction; a trigger gives me cravings to grab it, hold onto it, pet it, play with it and let it begin to grow again. I do not harbor the bitterness but the origin (hurt) is ever present in my psyche so it can spring from that hurt.
After being diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago, I had successful surgery but in the process, it really messed up my hormonal system. My body doesn't produce the correct hormones that most men produce. This brought on clinical depression. I began to go to counseling and my psychologist worked with my physician to prescribe AND monitor medications which helped align my brain. (Was completely off the meds within a couple of months.) The year of counseling ended up going way past my cancer and into my past when these hurts were identified and the root of my bitterness was found. My shrink gave me the solution to deal with it: extending forgiveness.
It took much prayer and will on my part to forgive the people who hurt me. I made a mental list of people and one by one, mentally looked them in the eye (some are dead, jail, unaccounted for or out of state) and told them what they did to me, how I felt about it and then told them (in my head) that I forgive them. I then prayed for them and for myself to continue to forgive.
Have I conquered bitterness? Nope, but I am pretty confident that it no longer controls me. I have forgiven each and every person (that I can recall) that I needed to. I still acknowledge what happened and can even be passionate at times, perhaps emotional, but when I am able to detect bitterness, I choose to forgive each one yet again. That is no simple task for sure and there are times I don't want to do it.
For those who can compartmentalize and put the hurts into a waffle box, kudos for not bringing it back out and affecting your life. For those whose hurt has been weaved into your life like a plateful of spaghetti, please consider extending forgiveness. There is a reason Jesus said that we should forgive the same offense 70 times 7: because the offense happened and can never be taken away. But in being offended, we are put in a position of great opportunity to behave like Jesus and forgive. Forgiveness will not remove the memories, the scars, the pain and perhaps forgiveness might mean NOT facing the offending person (trigger), but forgiveness can be the vice of continual bitterness.
I just pray that I can continue to live up to what I just said.